Badass Profile Tweaks
Top 25 Users
Top 25 MSGs
So far I've submitted
away messages, and they've been used a total of
times. Here are my messages...
Famous Last Words
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press. It's fireproof. I'm making a citizen's arrest. So, you're a cannibal. It's probably just a rash. Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one! Pull the pin and count to what? Which wire was I supposed to cut? I wonder where the mother bear is. I've seen this done on TV. These are the good kind of mushrooms. I'll hold it and you light the fuse. Funny, you look just like Charles Manson. Rat poison only kills rats. It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights. This doesn't taste right. I can make this light before it changes. Nice doggie. I can do that with my eyes closed. Well, we've made it this far. That's odd. Don't be so superstitious!
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''
A California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer pulls over a woman for speeding. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, "I bet you're going to sell me tickets to the Highway Patrol Ball."
He replied, "No, highway patrolmen don't have Balls." There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he had said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.
A lady walks into a Furniture Mega Store. She browses around, then spots the perfect leather sofa and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, sure enough, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely leather sofa?" He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."
Chuck Norris Away Messages
We Salute You
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