away messages that dont suck

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So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 171938 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28   (05/14/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Baseball Stadium Glove Wearing Guy.
Armed with your lucky mitt,
You patiently wait for your chance to bring home one of the 700,000,000 baseballs produced last year.
(I've only got one ball)
Your mitt screams, "I'm a die-hard baseball fan."
It also screams, "I'm too delicate to catch a ball bare-handed."
The only thing steamier than a stadium hot dog?
The hand stuck inside that mitt since batting practice.
(not really as delicious)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Señor Screwball.
Watching that ball bounce off your temple,
Will always be our favorite pastime.
1421 Clicks

by: kate28   (04/17/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Boombox Carrying Rollerskater.
Shunning the conveniences of modern inline-skates, You prove that real men do it on 8 pink poly-propellane wheels.
(pretty pink wheels)
The crouched one leg extension.
The squatted spin.
Every move as tight as your shorts.
Your station is tuned to all disco,
All the time.
And bravely,
So is your haircut.
(very foxy)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Boombox Carrying Rolleskater,
And know that we fully support real artistic expression.
But enough about that,
Let's rollerskate.
We Salute You
1420 Clicks

by: kate28   (04/17/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Bumper Sticker Writer.
Never has one man written so much for so many.
Without you the world may never have known "you can't hug with nuclear arms."
(i need a hug now!)
And just like you,
I, too, would rather be fishing,
Or squaredancing,
Or even shopping
(ooh yea)
I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.
You said it brother.
(you speak the truth)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Bard of the Bumper,
Thanks to you,
I know it's perfectly all right to honk if I'm horny.
(honk honk beep honk)
We Salute You
1422 Clicks

by: kate28   (04/17/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Baseball Encyclopedia Guy.
You may not remember you borrowed your neighbor’s lawn mower
But if someone needs to know that Tony Lazzeri batted in the 1927 World Series,
You’re all over it
(he could never hit a slider)
No books.
No Internet.
You’ve got it committed to memory.
Forget the date of your wedding anniversary,
So what?
You know that Bob Horner had 218 career home runs
(what about the lawn mower?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Stat Man
You can settle any baseball argument,
Because you are Mr. Baseball Encyclopedia Guy.
1417 Clicks

by: kate28   (12/13/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Cell Phone Holster Wearer.
A six-shooter?
A two-handed broad sword?
Your hip is permanently strapped with three inches of cold cellular steel
And you're not afraid to use it.
(As long as I'm not roaming)
Through optimal cellular positioning,
You answer calls in under a second
Anything over that,
And you might as well use smoke signals
Ignoring the fact that cell phones are now small enough to fit in your pocket
You tell the world:
I have a cell phone,
And it's not in my pocket.
(I'm just happy to see you)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh Hero of the Holster,
Because on our speed dial,
You'll always be number one.
1417 Clicks

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