away messages that dont suck
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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 157431 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Boneless Buffalo Wing Inventor.
How do you improve upon a meat that is breaded, buttered, double-fried
And dipped in blue cheese dressing?
Remove the only part that doesn't contain fat.
(don't need no chicken bone)
Gone now is the race to eat the drumsticks first,
Leaving the wings for the other poor suckers.
(hands off my drummies)
Is it leg?
Is it wing?
Is it rear end?
Now every chunk is as identical as it is indistinguishable.
(hope I'm not eating rear end)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light,
Boneless Wing Mastermind.
Because we don't have a bone to pick with you.
We Salute You
1304 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. After Halloween Costume Shop Salesman.
For two weeks every October,
You're the most popular man in town.
The rest of the year?
The loneliest man in town.
(I could use a buddy)
You've had the same costume since 1973,
Which is also the last time you had them washed.
(somethin' smells like cabbage)
What's your scariest costume?
The ballerina outfit,
Just returned by the 400 pound truck driver
(super duper tutu)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh King of the Costume.
Because dealing with you,
Will always be our treat.
Drinking
1300 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Airline Meal Chef.
Nothing relaxes a diner like a pleasant discussion of safety procedures should the restaurant suddenly fall out of the sky.
(hold oooooonnn)
Chicken or beef?
Chicken or beef?
Chicken? We're out.
Here's the beef.
(stiiiill tastes like chicken)
Who ordered the heart healthy meal?
Probably not the guy who ordered the seat belt extender.
(excess baggage)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Sultan of the Salisbury.
Even though we're crammed in coach,
Our meals are first class.
Drinking
1300 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/22/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Airport Baggage Handler.
Why just set a bag down,
When you can throw it,
Kick it,
Or simply ignore it
(it's time for my lunch break)
SFO.
ORD.
LAX.
The complex airport codes are almost unsolvable,
But that's okay,
Because thanks to you,
Everything's going to Tulsa.
(that's in Oklahoma)
When comforting a traveler about a lost bag or a treasured family pet
You need only to remember three simple words:
Airport Not Responsible.
(thank you for flyin')
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh King of the Carousel
You give us all a reason..
To carry on.
Drinking
1300 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/19/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer.
There are 24 hours in a day,
You're wearing 80 hour protection.
If the sun fails to go down,
You'll be ready.
Your coconut scented force-field blocks out all the suns rays,
And any stray rays from another sun,
In another galaxy. 30 SPF?
Please.
You might as well be wearing cooking oil.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer.
In fact, feel free to crack one open at high noon,
In the middle of the Sahara desert.
Drinking
1301 Clicks

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