away messages that dont suck

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So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 171938 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Basketball Court Sweat Wiper Upper.
You’ll do anything for courtside seats,
Even if it means mopping another man’s sweat off the floor.
(smelly man sweat)
Superstars may fall,
But superstars don’t wipe up sweat after they fall.
You do that.
While they soak up the glory,
You soak up pretty much everything else.
(super absorbent)
Their shoes aren’t squeakin’
Til your towel’s a-reekin’.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of Perspiration
Cause we know a champion
When we smell one.
1423 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Bass Plaque Maker.
Only a true artist like yourself can turn five pounds of dead fish into a work of art.
(no fishy smell now)
In your capable hands,
We know that our trout will never will never look trashy,
Our croppey never crappy
(never crap-ay)
Thanks to you we can say,
"I caught this bass, what have you ever done?"
(tell me now)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Bass Plaque Maker.
Because while a trophy wife may grow old and wrinkled,
A trophy bass can now remain forever young.
(forever young forever young)
1417 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Bathroom Stall Dirty Joke Writer.
Armed with your trusty marker
You do the impossible.
Make an incredibly dirty place,
Even dirtier.
(scribble it down now)
Your jokes make us pee our pants.
Lucky for us,
They're down around our ankles.
You answer our most vexing questions.
What ever happened to that man from Nantucket?
(oh that's a good one)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Ruler of the Rhyme
Cause when we're looking for a good time
We call you.
1421 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Beach Metal Detector Guy.
Some seek their fortune in the stock market,
Others in real estate,
But you look for loose change in the sand.
(hittin’ the jackpot)
Armed with a five foot Geiger counter and the world’s largest set of ear phones
You live your life with a simple code of honor:
“Finder’s keepers. Loser’s weepers.”
(finder’s keepers)
Sure people mock you,
But he who owns 92 cents, a gold plated earring, and a steal-toed boot gets the last laugh
(who’s laughing now)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Sultan of the Sand.
We’d give you a medal,
But you’ve probably already found one.
1422 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Blue Aluminum Bottle Maker.
Your amazing creation allows us to keep our beer, our hands, and our arctic ice shelf completely cold
(it’s really really cold)
The only problem we have taking a drink?
Removing our lips from the bottle
After taking a drink.
(my lips are stuuuck)
Sure we need a beer this cold,
Should we ever find ourselves running wind sprints at the bottom of an active volcano.
(I’m on fiiire)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Frietter of the Frigid.
Now can someone please pry this bottle from my frozen hand.
1417 Clicks

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