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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 170332 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (07/10/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Dodgeball Resurrector.
You brought back the All-American dream of collecting huge red welts by whipping red rubber balls at running human targets.
(let's get the chubby kid)
Never mind that some experts say that Dodgeball has no place in today's civilized society.
(that's hittin' below the belt)
You could've brought back the ropes, parallel bars, or square dancing.
But no.
You chose Dodgeball.
(who thought of that one?)
So crack open an ice cold low carb Bud Light, Rubber Ball Boy.
And know..
The reasons you were banned from the gym
Are the reasons we need you now.
We Salute You
1393 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/15/2008)

WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.



MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh#t.
Funny
1481 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/14/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Electric Carving Knife Inventor.
You have given us a tool with the amazing ability to cut through meat,
Potatoes,
And on occasion,
An index finger.
(I need a medic)
Nothing captures the excitement of Thanksgiving,
Like 200 volts of electricity shooting through a really sharp knife
(I still need a medic)
Finished carving that bird?
There's an unruly shrub out back that could use a little trim
(seriously call a medic)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Barren of the Blade,
We'll still mangle the turkey.
But thanks to you, We'll mangle it in half the time.
We Salute You
1423 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Edible Underwear Maker.
Your true genius combined two of man's favorite things:
Panties and Food.
They're a snack,
They're underwear...
They're a snack AND underwear.
Brilliant.
Gorgeous Grape,
Rock My World Raspberry,
Bodacious Banana.
And nothing says, "I want you" like a mouthful of underpants.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Edible Underwear Maker.
Because thanks to you,
When it comes to panties,
Extra large means extra yummy.
We Salute You
1445 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/02/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Doggie Day Spa Operator.
Watching your dog endure the hard-knock life of sleeping, eating, and going number 2,
You've created a doggie utopia of sleep, eat... and go number 2.
(that's 200 dollars)
Leaving your dog in a car on a 90 degree day--
Inhumane.
Leaving your dog in a 90 degree sauna--
Pampering.
(another 200 dollars)
Some people shave their dogs for the summer.
YOU shave them,
Trim their split ends,
And add highlights.
(your bill is 600 dollars)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Primper of the Pooch,
Every dog will have its day,
As long as it has an appointment.
We Salute You
1317 Clicks

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