away messages that dont suck

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So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 164618 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28   (07/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Fancy Coffee Shop Coffee Pourer.
What do you do with a Masters Degree in art history?
You get a nose ring,
And pour coffee for a living.
(pour it on now)
Why is it called a latte?
Maybe because it.. costs a latte,
And it takes a latte time to make.
(whole lotta latte)
Someone order a cappuccino?
Step aside.
Let the man who works the milk foamer take over.
(step aside)
Sure, you charge 5 bucks for a cup of coffee.
It's putting that tip jar out that takes real guts.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Guru of the Ground Roast,
It's not the caffeine that gives us the buzz,
It's you.
We Salute You
1323 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Doggie Day Spa Operator. Watching your dog endure the hard-knock life of sleeping, eating, and going number 2, You've created a doggie utopia of sleep, eat... and go number 2. (that's 200 dollars) Leaving your dog in a car on a 90 degree day-- Inhumane. Leaving your dog in a 90 degree sauna-- Pampering. (another 200 dollars) Some people shave their dogs for the summer. YOU shave them, Trim their split ends, And add highlights. (your bill is 600 dollars) So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Primper of the Pooch, Every dog will have its day, As long as it has an appointment.
1324 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/28/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Company Computer Guy.
You are the ruler of the RAM.
The guru of the gigabyte.
The monster of the memory.
(Show me the way)
When we screw up the boot up,
You are there.
Without you,
Computers would mega bite
The countless hours we spend surfing the Internet and accidentally stumbling upon porn sites,
Would instead be spent... working.
(workin' for the maaaan)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Company Computer Guy.
For it's you who keeps our log ons logging
And our hard drives hard.
(You gotta see this porn site)
We Salute You
1366 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/12/2008)

"'Hug it out, bitch.'
That is what men say to each other after a fight, they hug it out. In doing so they just let it go, and walk away, and they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however, I've found. Doesn't translate." -Michael Scott,
The Office
1305 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Cruise Ship Entertainer.
When Tinsel Town and Broadway said "no,"
The cruise ship said "yes."
(ohh yeah)
You may never get your star on Hollywood’s walk of fame,
But you do get free access to the salad bar
(mmm croutons)
Your peppy numbers bring the audience to their feet,
Which is impressive, because most of them use walkers.
Your motto: The show must go on…
And on…
And on…
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Prince of the Port Hole.
You can swab our poop deck,
We Salute You
1369 Clicks

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