away messages that dont suck

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So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 166053 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28   (08/06/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Chuck Norris!
(Mister Chuck Norris!)
You really know how to deliver a round-house kick to all those villains.
(Ouch! Why you gotta kick so hard)
You stand above the rest,
MC Hammer can't touch you.
(Cant Touch Norris)
Karate your eye Chuck,
All you need is a round-house kick,
A body bag,
And a Bud Light.
(Chuck don't hurt me!)
So sit on down on your pile of bodies, Chuck, and crack open a nice Bud Light.
We Salute You
1336 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/06/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Dishonest Cable TV Hooker Upper.
On any given day Somewhere between 9:00 and 4:30,
You arrive ready to bring us the world.
And for an extra $20
You'll bring us... porn.
(naughty naughty boy)
You've already got the van and the jumpsuit,
Why not get into criminal activity?
(just a naughty boy)
After all,
What are they gonna do,
Throw you in cable jail?
(I don't think so)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Manhandler of the Scrambler.
Because isn't it about time someone hooked you up?
We Salute You
1344 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/06/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Discount Suit Salesman.
When the suits from London, Milan, or Paris just won't do.
Where do you go?
(play that sitar)
Your suits are made with the finest fabric available.
Looks like all that was available was polyester.
Talk about craftsmanship.
Go ahead,
Talk about it.
(money where your mouth is)
The suit makes the man, you say.
Makes him look like he's out of work, we say.
(look at meee)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. 42 Irregular.
Your suits drape beautifully,
Because at one time,
Your suits WERE drapes.
We Salute You
1348 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/02/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker.
Your amazing skills of deception can trick a deer into thinking we’re just a tree out for a walk,
Or a shrub having a cup of coffee.
(shrub havin’ coffee)
Tirelessly you perfect your artistry:
The squiggly black line.
The blob.
The slightly larger blob.
All in spectacular shades of green
(green green green)
Thanks to you we look fabulous in or out of the forest,
With a suit that can easily be accessorized with face paint and a few twigs.
(dressed to kill)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Camouflage Suit Maker.
Because when it comes to blending in, You really stand out.
We Salute You
1467 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/02/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Cargo Pants Designer.
You finally gave us what we wanted. The military look-
Without all that bothersome drilling, marching, and shooting.
(fashion victory)
Is that a banana in your pocket?
And an orange.
And a pocket comb.
And an extra set of keys.
And my sunglasses.
(totally prepared now)
How many times have you been in a restaurant and thought:
”Man, I wish I’d brought my own jar of mayonnaise.”
Now you can.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Prince of the Pockets. Some may fill your shoes,
But no one can fill your pants.
We Salute You
1371 Clicks

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Family Guy Away Messages

 Chuck Norris
 Emo/Real Life
 We Salute You

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