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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 170332 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler.
Any weenie can stock a shelf,
But it takes a real man to wrestle an unnamed herd of jammed together grocery carts.
(gotta keep 'em movin')
There are 20 strays in the lot,
And weather's setting it.
Who's gonna bring those doggies back inside?
(who's it gonna be?)
The man in the smock and the comfortable shoes,
That's who.
(don't knock my smock)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Grocery Store Cart Wrangler.
As far as we're concerned,
You put the super,
In supermarket.
We Salute You
1376 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Furniture Assembly Manual Writer.
Thanks to you,
People everywhere can simply purchase furniture,
Drive it home,
Open a box,
And go completely insane.
(drivin' me crazy)
Knowing we can't read Chinese, Dutch, or German,
You thoughtfully include pictures.
Pictures that look nothing like the item purchased.
(no sprechen ze Deutsch now)
Insert piece A into slot B,
Peg C into hole D,
Then curse,
Cry,
And smash with hammer.
(ohh nooo)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Mistro of the Manual.
You make it so simple a monkey could do it.
A rocket scientist monkey.
(that's one smart monkey)
We Salute You
1492 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Half-Time Shooting Contest Contestant.
For the promise of free t-shirts,
Or a year supply of socks,
You take to the court ready to put on a clinic in abject humiliation.
(take 'em to school, yeah)
You keenly sense how much the crowd yearns for your failure,
And you deliver.
(from DOWNTOWN yeah)
It's hard to make a shot from half-court,
But it's even harder to make one when you shoot like an 80-year-old grandmother.
(you're a staaaar)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Admiral of the Airball.
You may not have won that new car,
But you won something a lot more valuable,
Our hearts.
We Salute You
1496 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Hair Gel Overgeller.
Less ambitious men stop with 2-in-1 shampoo,
But you put in countless hours,
Tireless dedication,
And a five gallon drum of industrial adhesive.
(sticky goo)
Like a lacquered hedgehog or oily porcupine,
What woman wouldn't want to run her fingers through your razor sharp stalagmites of hair
(or is it stalagtites?)
Wind.
Water.
Stray bullets.
Even repeated hammer blows.
Nothing can muss your removable mane.
(I've got a hair helmet)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Master of the Mousse.
And while you're at it,
Crack open another bucket of goo.
We Salute You
1355 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Golfball Washer Inventor.
The time-honored game of golf
Is the sport of kings.
And kings don't play with dirty balls.
(I don't play dirty)
Because of you,
We can give our balls a sudsy tumble at every tee.
The result?
Clean, shiny balls,
Every time we whack 'em.
(flyin' hiiiigh)
Drive after drive.
Putt after putt.
Hole after hole.
Our dimpled balls stay clubhouse clean.
(keep on drivin')
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Launderer on the Links.
You are in our thoughts,
Every time we jiggle our balls.
We Salute You
1480 Clicks

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