away messages that dont suck
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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 164307 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Homemade Pontoon Boat Maker.
What happens when you cross ten discarded drum barrels with two sheets of plywood and a cast-aside barbecue?
A pontoon boat.
(we're boatin' and grillin')
It's a boat.
It's a dance floor.
It's a boat AND a dance floor.
(we're boatin' and dancin')
Throw up a string of tiki lights,
Hit the stereo,
Power up the blender,
And what have you got?
Way too much electricity on top of a lot of water.
(we're boating and getting-electrocuted)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Pirate of the Pontoon.
Because YOU,
Really shiver me timbers.
We Salute You
1361 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Forgot Her Birthday Man.
Everyone who believes he is thoughtful and always remembers birthdays please step forward.
Not so fast, Mr. Forgot Her Birthday Man.
(I thought it was next week)
You tried everything to cover it up,
But you are so busted.
No card.
No gift.
No future.
(I thought it was next month)
It'll take flowers and a large amount of cash to get out of this one
(how much cash we talkin'?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Archduke of Amnesia.
You forgot Stephanie's birthday,
So on your knees is a good start.
We Salute You
1355 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Hollywood Plastic Surgeon.
Great actors are born, not made.
And when they're born with a big fat honking shnoz,
You are there.
(a-doctor can ya help me)
It's a tough town that demands talent,
And talent can't be bought,
But a huge set of distracting knockers can.
(big giant knockers)
A snip here.
A nip.
A tuck.
Another snip.
It takes less time to cut a major motion picture,
Then it does a major movie star.
(that's Hollywood)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fake Moviestar Maker.
You take the suck,
Out of liposuction.
We Salute You
1335 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Frozen Turkey Help Line Guy.
You patiently wait by the phones,
Prepared to help us through our every crisis.
A frozen bird.
A burnt bird.
A frozen burnt bird.
(crispy on the outside)
Your first instructions:
Why didn't we read the instructions first?
(reading is overrated)
Step by step you walk us through the complicated procedure of ditching the turkey
And ordering a pizza instead.
(or maybe mushu pork)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Guru of the Gobbler.
Because the one thing we're really thankful for..
Is you.
We Salute You
1346 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Gasoline BBQ Starter.
Never mind charcoal chimneys
And easy lighting brickettes.
The only way to start a real barbecue
Is with a gallon of 93 Octane
And a big book of matches
(light up the sky)
Who needs eyebrows?
You're hungry,
And you've seven pounds of lamb shanks ready to go.
(that's a lot of kebabs)
You don't just defy convention,
You defy warning labels,
And common sense.
(very low IQ)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of the Pyrotechnic.
Because no one makes a backyard mushroom cloud like you.
We Salute You
1439 Clicks

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