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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 157431 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (10/30/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Jelly Donut Filler.
Many a night you pondered the question:
"How can I get some jelly shoved into a plain powdered donut's blowhole?"
(in the blowhole!)
Inspiration, and perspiration, led you to invent the answer:
The jelly super squirter.
(super squirter!)
Late at night,
All night,
You worked your squirter so that we could wake up satisfied and enjoy our breakfast jelly treat.
(work work work work work your squirter!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Jelly Doughnut Filler,
Nobody else takes it to the hole quite the way you do.
We Salute You
1300 Clicks

by: kate28 (10/30/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Jean Shorts Inventor.
People insisted that jeans were just pants.
Apparently those people underestimated your out-of-the-box thinking.
(a fashion trail blazer)
Casual enough for a barbeque.
Formal enough for a family reunion.
Your multi-dimensional creation carries both duties with ease.
(you just said doo-dee)
And what should we call your ground-breaking achievement?
How about..
Jorts.
(I really like your jorts)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Jorts Inventor.
If fashion is a war,
You're fighting dirty.
We Salute You
1300 Clicks

by: kate28 (10/30/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer.
Perhaps fashion's greatest mystery:
What makes a big strong man say,
"I think I need a new fur coat."
(I don't know)
At the very height of political incorrectness,
Nothing says, "I could give a rat's rear end,"
Like a man in a floor-length chinchilla.
(takin' no prisoners)
A look that's half-street-pimp,
Half Aunt Esther,
And full on:
Fur-tastic.
Sure it's gauche,
But you don't spend more on your coat than on your car,
Not to be noticed.
(look at meeee)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Male Fur Coat Wearer.
Because it takes a REAL man,
To wear a woman's fur coat.
We Salute You
1300 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/29/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Giant Pocket Knife Inventor.
Because of you,
We'll never be lost in the middle of a dense forest without a little plastic toothpick again.
(won't get lost again)
What's that bulge in my pocket?
It's my knife.
And my tweezers.
And my scissors.
And my spoon.
And my bottle opener.
And my fish scaler.
(take it to the max)
And my leather awl.
And my corkscrew.
And my nail file.
And my pairing knife.
And my hask.
(what's a hask?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Giant Pocket Knife Inventor,
Because you make our pockets bulge humongously,
With pride.
We Salute You
1302 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/29/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Hot Dog Eating Contest Contestant.
What does it take to eat two dozen hot dogs in 12 minutes?
Determination.
Fortitude.
And a complete disregard for what they actually put in a hot dog.
(open wiiiide)
How many times have we said "Sure, one hot dog is nice, but 47 more would really hit the spot"
(get me to a bathroom)
What's for dessert?
Nine pounds of antacids.
One bleeding ulcer.
And seven hours of routine angioplasty.
(my left arm feels tingly)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Diplomat of the Dog.
Because our appetite for you,
Will never be satisfied.
We Salute You
1300 Clicks

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