away messages that dont suck
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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 170332 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (11/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. King of the Karaoke Mic.
Armed with your mic,
You brazenly take to the stage,
Refusing to leave until every last person has been lulled into a peaceful slumber.
(wake me when it's over)
Country.
Rock.
R & B.
From your lips,
It all sounds the same,
Like a sick cat trapped under a parked car.
(that's a flat kitty)
Sure, nobody's clapping.
But that doesn't mean you can't give them six more encores.
(they're clapping on the inside)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Hero of the High Note.
You sing to the beat of a different drum,
Cause the one in your ear
Is clearly broken.
We Salute You
1376 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Kiss-Me-I'm-Irish Pin Wearer.
What would St. Patrick's Day be without the rich Irish tradition of wearing a pin to beg girls to make out with you?
(a-luck of the Irish)
Your cousin's grandfather's uncle's gardener was Irish,
Which gives you the right to solicit affection from strangers.
(who you think you're foolin')
Few men are brave enough to use a bad pick-up line.
Only you are brave enough to say it,
Put it in writing,
And wear it on your chest.
(look at meee)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Patty's Day Pick-Up Artist.
You have high standards when it comes to women,
Anyone who can read.
We Salute You
1387 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Major League Infield Raker.
Your precision movements and split second timing keep America's infields safe for play,
And covered with cool swirly designs.
(swirly designs!)
Millions watch as you weave your standard issue rake inches from the bag,
Then skillfully switch to the more advanced woven metal thing on a chain.
(woven metal thing!)
Yeah it has a name,
But we wouldn't understand.
Why?
Because we're not Mr. Major League Infield Raker.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Duke of Dirt,
Because for every kid who wants to be a major league slugger,
There's another who wants to be a guy with a rake.
We Salute You
1344 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/02/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Indecisive Food Orderer Guy. You approach a menu like a CPA approaches an audit. There's not an appetizer, entree, or ingredient that escapes your scrutiny. (what's the soup de jour) Cappachio or Calamari? Halibut or Ceviche? These are incredibly important decisions that need to be made, Sometime before sunrise. (cock a doodle doo) No matter, Because when the food finally arrives, You spend the entire dinner wishing you got what everybody else did. (I got entree envy) So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Indecisive Food Orderer Guy Because today's special.. Is you.
We Salute You
1352 Clicks

by: kate28 (10/30/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Indie Band Member.
You've got 11 songs,
Great stage attitude,
And no money.
You're an independent band.
(way too independent)
Indie Band Problem #1- Keeping everybody in de band,
In de band.
(who needs a drummer?)
Problem #2
Arguing for 230 miles in an un-air-conditioned van to split 100 bucks five ways.
(sell those t-shirts and cds)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Indie Band Member.
Your time will come,
Just as soon as the bass player's girlfriend stops trying to run the band.
(don't tell me what to weeearrr)
We Salute You
1369 Clicks

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