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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 170332 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Losing Locker Room Reporter.
Wherever a semi-naked man is crying like a school girl because he lost a ball game,
You are there.
(so sad you're bad now)
Why did they lose?
Because some millionaire dropped the ball.
A millionaire who needs a mic stuck in his face on national television.
(oh noo)
Go ahead,
Wear your cashmere blazer to work,
Nobody's going to pour champagne on it where you're going.
(they're just losers)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Bringer of Bad News.
You're not a big loser,
You just interview them.
(don't wanna talk abouuut it)
We Salute You
1476 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Mail Order Bride Orderer.
Some men flip through a catalogue looking for furniture.
You flip through a catalogue looking for someone to clean the furniture.
(I don't do windows)
Nothing says "I will love you forever"
Like a quick swipe of the credit card at the alter.
(what's your payment plan?)
Women wait their whole lives for a man to say "I do"
In your case,
I do.. agree to pay the sum of 3000 American dollars.
(let's talk annulment)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Catalogue Casanova.
Your spouse may be full price,
But you'll always be our better half.
We Salute You
1382 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Overzealous Foul Ball Catcher.
You're nowhere close to that foul ball heading for the bleachers.
Who cares?
You're goin' for it.
(that ball's MIIINE)
Hot dog vendors.
Old ladies.
Infants.
You mow them over like a diesel-powered combine.
(yeahhhh)
Ashamed of your souvenir fervor?
Hardly.
You scratch and gouge your way to the ball like a blood-thirsty wolverine.
(you're a fiesty rodent)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Bully of the Bleachers.
Because why pay for a souvenir,
When you can fight for one?
We Salute You
1436 Clicks

by: kate28 (05/29/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Oxygen Bar Inventor.
A brilliant entrepreneur,
You opened a business with only one true competitor-
The earth's atmosphere.
(crush the competition)
It's Friday Night.
Time to head out with the boys for a rowdy night...
Of breathing.
(SOMEone took my keyyys)
Some naysayers say oxygen makes up 95% of our atmosphere.
You say:
Does your atmosphere serve potato skins?
(I like mine with bacon)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Retailer for the Inhaler.
Because when life gets stale,
You're a breath of fresh air.
We Salute You
1410 Clicks

by: kate28 (12/05/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Male Football Cheerleader.
Real men don't just play smash mouth football,
Real men turn cartwheels and somersaults on the sidelines,
Tucked safely away from the action.
(don't touch me now)
Fourth down and inches,
The game's on the line,
It all comes down to you.
Will you call for a perky pyramid,
Or a line dance?
(get on my shoulders)
Knock em back,
knock em back
Alllll the way to hack em sack
(rah rah rah rah rha zis boom bah)
So grab an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Male Football Cheerleader.
You may never score a touchdown, but you're peppy
(yay!)
And that's gotta count for something.
We Salute You
1453 Clicks

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