away messages that dont suck
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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 164307 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Parking Attendant Flashlight Waver.
Leaving the security of your two by two foot heated hut,
You light the way.
(show me the way now)
Defying physics and most insurance policies,
You wedge my midsize into the space of a compact.
(back back back back back back back it up wooh!)
While you act like you couldn't care less about my car,
I know deep down inside...
You don't.
(it's just a car)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Czar of the Parked Car.
As long as that extra sawbuck translates to easy out,
We'll keep pullin her in.
(we couldn't park without you)
We Salute You
1329 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter.
In a world of RPMs and MPGs,
You're all about H2O.
(H2O!)
Sure,
Anyone can take a car apart and put it back together again,
But not just anyone can squirt water.
(you've got it in you)
Reach, squeeze, reach, squeeze.
Precision timing.
One inch off,
And you've got a soggy driver,
And a potential squegee situation.
(watch out, that's water!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter,
Because as far as we're concerned,
You're not just in the pits,
You are the pits.
We Salute You
1347 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Parade Float Driver.
Real men don't drive shiny sport cars.
Real men drive old school bus chassis covered in papier machet, pansies and puppets.
(slow and easy)
Why?
Chicks dig floats.
Just ask the Carson County Pork Queen waving from the back end.
(lovely pork queen)
You drive with sweaty palms.
One wrong move from you and Paul Tilley's Olde Tyme Barbershop Quartet is history
(Oooohhhhhhh!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Thoroughbred of the Thoroughfare.
When it comes to parades,
You really float our boat.
We Salute You
1383 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/09/2009)

Today we salute you Mr. Really Loud Cell Phone Talker Guy.
Ignoring the latest advances in cell phone technology,
You bark into your phone as if you were communicating with two cans and a string.
(you're breakin' up now)
Discussing your cousin's intestinal problems while at a quiet dinner party--Unacceptable.
Discussing them while on your cell phone at a quiet dinner party--
Perfectly acceptable.
(can you keep a secret)
Nothing screams 'I'm important'
More than a man who screams "I'm IMPORTANT!" into his cell phone.
(did I mention I'm important?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Duke of the Decibal.
Because when we need a friend,
You're the one we call.
We Salute You
1331 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/03/2009)

Today we salute you Mr. Pet Toy Designer.
Nothing keeps puppy from chewing our $100 shoes
Like 400 dollars worth of little squeaky rubber shoes
(squeakity squeak now)
The ham chop.
The dog bone.
The cooky cucumber.
All incredibly life-like,
When viewed by an unintelligent, color-blind animal
(I'm nooobody's fool)
There's not a toy you make that dogs don't love
But then again,
They also eat their own poop.
(eat their own poop)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Champion of the Chew Toy.
After all,
Isn't it time someone threw you a bone?
We Salute You
1331 Clicks

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