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kate28

So far I've submitted 121 away messages, and they've been used a total of 170332 times. Here are my messages...

by: kate28 (12/06/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Bowling Shoe Giver Outer
Your tireless efforts keep our feet comfy and sanitized with mountain freshness
(mountain freshness)
Instinctively you match left shoe with right
(left right left right)
Carefully placing each pair in it's own tiny shoe house
(check the number on the back)
One wrong move
And we're on the fast train to Blisterville
(oh yeahh)
Is he a 9 and a half, or a 10?
You know.
Why?
Cause you're Mr. Bowling Shoe Giver Outer
(we couldn't bowl without you)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mister.
And know it's no accident that those shoes are red, white, and blue.
Drinking
1425 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/27/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Basketball Shoe Designer.
Every year you make staggering advances in technology
Like air.
More air.
Slightly less air.
And a separate air chamber for maximum air
(she's gonna blow)
Good ball-handling skills.
Sound fundamentals.
A killer outside shot.
All completely useless unless we're wearing your sneakers
(I got a two inch vertical)
They're designed to last for a decade
Which is just about the time we'll have them paid off
(I'm livin' in my van)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Sultan of The Sneaker
We may never make a lay-up
But your shoes will always be a slam dunk.
Drinking
1439 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/27/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Enormous SUV Driver.
Your mammoth machine strikes the perfect balance between the towing capacity of a tractor trailer
And the sleek styling.. of a tractor trailer
(keep on truckin')
Lesser men might say a 26-cylinder engine is overkill
But someday
They'll have to tow a cruise ship at the dry dock
And that's when they'll come crying to you
(I got the towing package)
You've got a tough choice to make
Fill up the tank
Or relieve the national debt
(fill 'er uppp)
So truck on home and grab a Bud Light, Enormous SUV Guy
If you're going to compensate for something small
Go really REALLY big.
Drinking
1392 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/27/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Centerfold Retoucher
Your incredible talent takes gorgeous women
And somehow makes them... gorgeouser
(a mucho gorgeoso)
Breasts - bigger.
Moles - smaller.
Mustaches - gone.
(you're a staaaar)
Thanks to you, hot wax is a thing of the past
And working out, is for suckers
(ancient history)
Any artist can say their work is in a gallery
But how many can say their work is stuffed under mattresses around the world
(you're gonna go blind)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Da Vinci of the Derriere
Because thanks to you
We can enjoy real beauty the way we like it
Completely fake.
Drinking
1456 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/15/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker.
Without you,
Our teams would be in 6th or 7th place
And feel as if they were in 6th or 7th place
(can you feel it?)
Carefully you craft uncanny representations of actual human hands
So that we may wave them annoyingly in the faces of our rivals
(in your faaace)
They're enormous, yes.
Yet one size fits all. Brilliant.
(raise 'em to the sky nowww)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Foam Finger Maker
And know we speak for sports fans everywhere when we say:
No.
You're number one.
Drinking
1380 Clicks

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