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by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Gasoline BBQ Starter.
Never mind charcoal chimneys
And easy lighting brickettes.
The only way to start a real barbecue
Is with a gallon of 93 Octane
And a big book of matches
(light up the sky)
Who needs eyebrows?
You're hungry,
And you've seven pounds of lamb shanks ready to go.
(that's a lot of kebabs)
You don't just defy convention,
You defy warning labels,
And common sense.
(very low IQ)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of the Pyrotechnic.
Because no one makes a backyard mushroom cloud like you.
We Salute You
1,357 Clicks

by: kate28 (11/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Kiss-Me-I'm-Irish Pin Wearer.
What would St. Patrick's Day be without the rich Irish tradition of wearing a pin to beg girls to make out with you?
(a-luck of the Irish)
Your cousin's grandfather's uncle's gardener was Irish,
Which gives you the right to solicit affection from strangers.
(who you think you're foolin')
Few men are brave enough to use a bad pick-up line.
Only you are brave enough to say it,
Put it in writing,
And wear it on your chest.
(look at meee)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Patty's Day Pick-Up Artist.
You have high standards when it comes to women,
Anyone who can read.
We Salute You
1,356 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/30/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Ultimate Philadelphia Sports Fan.
Football.
Baseball.
Competitive eating contests.
If the dog show came to town,
You'd tailgate it (you're the shitzu) Your dedication keeps your football going. Going where? Nobody really knows. (we should be going somewhere)
You sir, will boo anything.
Long lines.
The hot dog vendor.
A jolly old fat man at halftime.
(he totally had it comin')
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Bastion of Brotherly Love
Nobody can take away your passion, But if they tried, You'd launch a snowball at them.
We Salute You
1,352 Clicks

by: kate28 (07/13/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Putt-Putt Golf Course Designer.
Through the magic of astroturf and animatronics,
You've taken the time-honored game of golf,
And made it fun again.
(keep on strokin)
They said a three foot putt wasn't a challenge,
So you added windmills.
(china windmills)
While lesser men wasted time with fairways and sand traps,
You had visions of fiberglass volcanos and giant clown heads.
(clowns freak me out now)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Putt-Putt Golf Course Designer,
Because you and I know that a round of golf should always,
Always include Indian teepees.
We Salute You
1,348 Clicks

by: kate28 (12/05/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Male Football Cheerleader.
Real men don't just play smash mouth football,
Real men turn cartwheels and somersaults on the sidelines,
Tucked safely away from the action.
(don't touch me now)
Fourth down and inches,
The game's on the line,
It all comes down to you.
Will you call for a perky pyramid,
Or a line dance?
(get on my shoulders)
Knock em back,
knock em back
Alllll the way to hack em sack
(rah rah rah rah rha zis boom bah)
So grab an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Male Football Cheerleader.
You may never score a touchdown, but you're peppy
(yay!)
And that's gotta count for something.
We Salute You
1,347 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/12/2009)

Today we salute you, Mr. Parking Attendant Flashlight Waver.
Leaving the security of your two by two foot heated hut,
You light the way.
(show me the way now)
Defying physics and most insurance policies,
You wedge my midsize into the space of a compact.
(back back back back back back back it up wooh!)
While you act like you couldn't care less about my car,
I know deep down inside...
You don't.
(it's just a car)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Czar of the Parked Car.
As long as that extra sawbuck translates to easy out,
We'll keep pullin her in.
(we couldn't park without you)
We Salute You
1,345 Clicks

by: kate28 (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Half-Time Shooting Contest Contestant.
For the promise of free t-shirts,
Or a year supply of socks,
You take to the court ready to put on a clinic in abject humiliation.
(take 'em to school, yeah)
You keenly sense how much the crowd yearns for your failure,
And you deliver.
(from DOWNTOWN yeah)
It's hard to make a shot from half-court,
But it's even harder to make one when you shoot like an 80-year-old grandmother.
(you're a staaaar)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Admiral of the Airball.
You may not have won that new car,
But you won something a lot more valuable,
Our hearts.
We Salute You
1,345 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer
You provide us with colorful loungewear capable of hiding any stain we can dish out.
(gettin sloppy)
Who else could create flowered shirts that are still so unmistakeably masculine,
A single shirt that matches every pair of pants we own,
And really sets off a white belt?
(looking good now)
Sure women say they hate them,
But inside they're all swooning for the big kahuna.
(ooh kahuna!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer.
Your shirts may not be made in Hawaii,
But Taiwan is an island, too.
We Salute You
1,344 Clicks

by: kate28 (06/02/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Miniature Train Modeler.
Yours is a perfect magical world
Wedged neatly between your furnace and your hot water heater.
(keep on dreamin')
Your mini-town has a mini ice cream store,
Complete with a mini soda jerk,
Guaranteeing there will always be at least two jerks in your mini world.
(you'll never be alone)
Woo-woo. All aboard.
First stop.
Nutsville.
(chug chug woo woo!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Master Of Your Mini World.
You're cuckoo about choo-choos,
And that's fine with us.
We Salute You
1,344 Clicks

by: kate28 (09/30/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Raise The Net Before They Kick The Field Goal Guy You could've been doing curtain calls on Broadway But you chose to wait in a frozen endzone for a kick in the net (can't feel my fingers) Every time like a magnet to the ball.. Nothing but net If only we can get you in the limelight (kick it I'm open) Wide left. Wide right. Straight through the upright. Without you, the Titans ball budget would put us over the salary cap So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Titans fans And toast this fisher of footballs As net-minders go All that's missing is the hockey mask and the dental work.
We Salute You
1,343 Clicks


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