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by: kate28   (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Half-Time Shooting Contest Contestant.
For the promise of free t-shirts,
Or a year supply of socks,
You take to the court ready to put on a clinic in abject humiliation.
(take 'em to school, yeah)
You keenly sense how much the crowd yearns for your failure,
And you deliver.
(from DOWNTOWN yeah)
It's hard to make a shot from half-court,
But it's even harder to make one when you shoot like an 80-year-old grandmother.
(you're a staaaar)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Admiral of the Airball.
You may not have won that new car,
But you won something a lot more valuable,
Our hearts.
We Salute You
1,311 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/29/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Discount Airline Pilot Guy
Your minimum experience flying a plane
Will never land you at a reputable airline.
Luckily, you don't work for one.
(look at me I'm flying)
Sure we're concerned for our lives,
But not as concerned as saving 9 bucks on a round trip to Fort Myers
(whooaaa)
The most direct route to Houston?
Through Fort Lauderdale.
With layovers in Detroit, Vancouver, and Kalamazoo.
(I can't feel my legs)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Skipper of the Skies.
You put the FLY,
In Fly-By-Night Operation.
We Salute You
1,308 Clicks

by: vctrackster   (03/19/2006)

BUD LIGHT PRESENTS: Real Men of Genius.
Today we salute you, Mr. guy who works at burger king
(mr. guy who works at burger king!)
you, armed with only a spatula and a high school diploma
(or not!)
you serve up only the finest heart attacks on a bun.
(arteries are cloggin!)
no matter how low your job pays you, you still dont take shit
(you let us eat it!)
so crack open a bud light guy who works at burger king, because you know how much the ladies like your meat...
(mr. guy who works at burger king!)
We Salute You
1,308 Clicks

by: kate28   (08/28/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Gasoline BBQ Starter.
Never mind charcoal chimneys
And easy lighting brickettes.
The only way to start a real barbecue
Is with a gallon of 93 Octane
And a big book of matches
(light up the sky)
Who needs eyebrows?
You're hungry,
And you've seven pounds of lamb shanks ready to go.
(that's a lot of kebabs)
You don't just defy convention,
You defy warning labels,
And common sense.
(very low IQ)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of the Pyrotechnic.
Because no one makes a backyard mushroom cloud like you.
We Salute You
1,308 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Deer-Hunter.
You, the burly man with the tattoos from 1984 have proven to the world that yes,
A human being wearing camouflaged clothing with scent stopping fibers,
Night vision goggles,
A three thousand foot viewing scope,
A fifteen thousand dollar military sniper rifle,
And tank-armor piercing bullets,
Can indeed kill a female deer drinking from a stream.
You have proven that not only can ducks and turkeys be stopped by your quick hand and pinpoint accurate shot,
But so can black bears and even mountain lions.
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Outdoor-sie,
Because we all know,
It is men like you that will conquer this world of primal beasts and animals,
Until, of course, Wal-Mart runs out of bullets.
We Salute You
1,306 Clicks

by: kate28   (10/24/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker.
Without you,
Our teams would be in 6th or 7th place
And feel as if they were in 6th or 7th place
(can you feel it?)
Carefully you craft uncanny representations of actual human hands
So that we may wave them annoyingly in the faces of our rivals
(in your faaace)
They're enormous, yes.
Yet one size fits all.
Brilliant.
(raise 'em to the sky nowww)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Foam Finger Maker
And know we speak for sports fans everywhere we we say:
No.
You're number one.
We Salute You
1,305 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/01/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Pickled Pigs Feet Eater.
Ignoring all you know about pigs,
And where they live,
And what they step in,
You look at their pickled paws and say "yummy".
(lookin' tasty)
Craving only the most daring meal,
You pass up the cow tongue,
Skate by the head cheese,
Dismiss the rocky mountain oysters.
(rocky mountain oysters)
But a pigs foot soaked in pickle juice?
Now that's good eatin'.
(save me a big one)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Pickled Pigs Feet Eater,
Cause it takes guts to eat those feet.
We Salute You
1,305 Clicks

by: kate28   (06/14/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Electric Carving Knife Inventor.
You have given us a tool with the amazing ability to cut through meat,
Potatoes,
And on occasion,
An index finger.
(I need a medic)
Nothing captures the excitement of Thanksgiving,
Like 200 volts of electricity shooting through a really sharp knife
(I still need a medic)
Finished carving that bird?
There's an unruly shrub out back that could use a little trim
(seriously call a medic)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Barren of the Blade,
We'll still mangle the turkey.
But thanks to you, We'll mangle it in half the time.
We Salute You
1,305 Clicks

by: kate28   (07/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Cruise Ship Entertainer.
When Tinsel Town and Broadway said "no,"
The cruise ship said "yes."
(ohh yeah)
You may never get your star on Hollywood’s walk of fame,
But you do get free access to the salad bar
(mmm croutons)
Your peppy numbers bring the audience to their feet,
Which is impressive, because most of them use walkers.
(osteoporosis)
Your motto: The show must go on…
And on…
And on…
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Prince of the Port Hole.
You can swab our poop deck,
Anytime.
We Salute You
1,305 Clicks

by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you Mr. Boneless Buffalo Wing Inventor.
How do you improve upon a meat that is breaded, buttered, double-fried
And dipped in blue cheese dressing?
Remove the only part that doesn't contain fat.
(don't need no chicken bone)
Gone now is the race to eat the drumsticks first,
Leaving the wings for the other poor suckers.
(hands off my drummies)
Is it leg?
Is it wing?
Is it rear end?
Now every chunk is as identical as it is indistinguishable.
(hope I'm not eating rear end)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light,
Boneless Wing Mastermind.
Because we don't have a bone to pick with you.
We Salute You
1,305 Clicks


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