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by: redwinger987 (06/08/2008)

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the furniture!
Jokes
1,268 Clicks

by: Packersfreak444 (06/04/2008)

Did you know Hellen Keller had a swingset?

Neither did she.
Jokes
1,248 Clicks

by: Packersfreak444 (06/04/2008)

What is Helen Keller's favorite Convenience Store?

WAAAWAAA
Jokes
1,236 Clicks

by: Meee (06/02/2008)

One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died. His dad said, "that's just a coincidence." The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died." His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was. "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied. "I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!
Jokes
1,306 Clicks

by: codyloverr90 (05/29/2008)

Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your behind before the day was over."
Jokes
1,306 Clicks

by: mvp6794 (05/08/2008)

A guy walks in to a bar and there's a sign behind the counter that says "Pass the test and drink here free for life." The man says to the bartender, "What's the test?" and the bartender says, "Well, first, you have to drink a whole bottle of tequila without throwing up or passing out. After that, there's a crocodile in that bathroom over there that you'll need to kill with your bare hands. And lastly, there's a 40 year-old woman upstairs that has never had an orgasm in her life. You have to give her one." So, the man agrees. He downs the bottle of tequila and doesn't pass out or throw up, but is barely standing. You could tell that he was all drunk and confused, but he still continued with the test. He went into the bathroom. The bartender heard a lot of crashes and yelling, but 20 minutes later, the man came out. He then says with a slurred accent to the bartender, "Okay, now where's that lady I've got to kill?"
Jokes
1,358 Clicks

by: clickhere (05/06/2008)

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?
5!
One changes the bulb the other 4 comment on who can do it better.
Jokes
1,250 Clicks

by: ne0chicks (05/06/2008)

A father finds his son praying at night. 'God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta Grandpa.' The father finds this odd, but doesn't think too much of it. The next morning the grandfather dies. The father remembers the night before, but doesn't say anything. That night, the son prays, 'God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.' The father hopes that nothing happens to the grandmother. Sure enough, the next morning the grandmother dies. At this point the father gets really scared. That night, the son prays "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy". The father stays up all night long, frightened. Early in the morning he goes to the doctor to make sure everything is fine. When he comes home, his wife is waiting frantically in the driveway and yells "Honey, come quick! The milkman just dropped dead on the porch!"
Jokes
1,324 Clicks

by: Bacalhau (04/24/2008)

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog shoots back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard! She better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the cab was deafening.
Jokes
1,333 Clicks

by: Bacalhau (04/17/2008)

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence.

Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the f*cking beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
Jokes
1,375 Clicks


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