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by: JEWJOKES (08/21/2005)

Jewsih Rules:
1. Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
2. If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
4. And what's wrong with dry turkey?
5. A good kugel sinks in mercury.
6. Pork is forbidden, but a pig in a blanket makes a nice horsd'oeuvre.
7. Always whisper the names of diseases.
8. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
9. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
10. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended.
11. A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.
12. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
13. If you are going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear.
14. No meal is complete without leftovers.
15. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.
16. The only good thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.
17. It's not whom you know, it's whom you know that had a nose job.
18. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Neiman-Marcus.
19. WASPs leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.
20. Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
21. If you don't eat it, it will kill me.
22. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
23. Next year in Jerusalem, the year after, how about a nice cruise?
24. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami.
25. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.
Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee? Yup, it's in the Bible. It says "Hebrews!"
Jokes
1,358 Clicks

by: Dot (08/21/2005)

Your momma's so fat, she makes Buddha look like Ghandi
Jokes
1,266 Clicks

by: jomamma343 (08/21/2005)

Drink apple juice cause O.J. will kill you!
Jokes
1,249 Clicks

by: smooooooch (08/21/2005)

Two men are sitting at a bar. One says to the other, "Dude, I totally slept with your mom!" The other guy tries to calm him down and get him to shut up but he keeps saying, "I sooo slept with your mom!" Until the other guy says, "You're completely wasted, Dad, I'm driving you home."
Jokes
1,246 Clicks

by: Jurgy (08/08/2005)

Did you know that Pepsi is coming out with a liquid Viagra?
It's called Mount-and-Do
Jokes
1,255 Clicks

by: JohnnyTsunami (08/08/2005)

Going to McDonald's to buy a salad is like going to a Crack House to buy vitamins.
Jokes
1,240 Clicks

by: Mujibar (08/04/2005)

Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America."
Mujibar said, "I ready now sir for take testing."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words 'Yellow', 'Pink' and 'Green'."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you, and works at Dell on the Help Desk.
Jokes
1,319 Clicks

by: DJSourSkittles (08/03/2005)

Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house??
Neither did she.
Jokes
1,259 Clicks

by: LIVESTRONG9008 (07/27/2005)

If you throw a cat out of your car, would it be considered kitty litter?
BRB went to go find out
Jokes
1,251 Clicks

by: glennon247 (07/27/2005)

I once dated a psychic.......yea she dumped me before we went out.
Jokes
1,254 Clicks


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