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by: Conor R. (03/26/2006)

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. 'Now you must do the same,' he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. 'Second,' the professor continued, 'you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?'
Jokes
1,337 Clicks

by: wbwhiteguy31 (03/19/2006)

A convict escaped from prison and broke into the nearest house he could find. A young couple were making love upstairs on the bed when the convict broke in and tied the startled man to a chair. He then began tying the woman to the bed as he leaned down and kissed her on the neck. The convict went into the bathroom and shut the door. Husband: "Honey, this man's a convict. Just look at his clothes! Unfortunately, I saw him kiss you on the neck and I think he's going to try and rape you. But no matter what I want you to be cooperative and don't resist. Do whatever he wants. I know it sounds hard but he is dangerous and may hurt or kill us if we do not do what he wants. I love you honey, please be strong." Wife:"He's an escaped convict, but he's not going to rape me. When you saw him kiss me on the neck, he actually whispered in my ear that he is gay and thinks you are cute. Then he asked if we had any vaseline and I told him it was in the bathroom. I love you honey, be strong."
Jokes
1,359 Clicks

by: Retard Rapper (03/19/2006)

I have voices in my head!! But they're speaking spanish!!
NO JOSE YOU CANNOT MOW MY LAWN!!
Jokes
1,266 Clicks

by: bluefacehead (03/12/2006)

Jeremy: I got a C-- on my creative writing piece.
Sarah: Poor baby!!! (reads teacher's comments) "Pure stupidity!!! Stupid characters and a plot that wouldn't challenge a third grader."
Jeremy: Wait!!! I think he's saying I have a promising future as a screenwriter!!! Score!!!
Jokes
1,269 Clicks

by: Psychoticvolkswagen (03/12/2006)

There was this woman, and she walks into an ice cream shop and says "I'd like a pint of vanilla, a pint of chocolate, and a pint of strawberry." The guy working says "I'm sorry, ma'am. We have vanilla and chocolate, but no strawberry." Then the lady says "Okay then, I'd like a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of chocolate, and a gallon of strawberry." The guy says "Ma'am, I don't think you understand. We have chocolate and vanilla, but no strawberry." The lady says, "Okay, fine. I want a scoop of chocolate, a scoop of vanilla, and a scoop of strawberry." The guy says "Okay, lady let me put it to you this way. Spell the 'van' in 'vanilla'."
"V-A-N"
"Spell the 'choc' in 'chocolate'."
"C-H-O-C"
"Spell the 'freak' in 'strawberry'"
"There's no 'freak' in 'strawberry'!"
"EXACTLY!!!!!!!"
Jokes
1,311 Clicks

by: magikid (03/12/2006)

Three notes walk into a bar, a C, an E flat, and a G. They walk up to the bartender and ask for a bottle of beer. The bartender says, "I don't serve minors."
Jokes
1,256 Clicks

by: BE1123 (03/12/2006)

Okay, there is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they're all running from the cops. They come across an abandoned barn and find three potato sacks inside. They all quickly hop into the sacks. The police come in. The first cop kicks the brunette's sack. She says, "Meow! Meow!" The second cop kicks the redhead's sack. She says, "Woof! Woof!" The third cop kicks the blonde's sack. She hollers, "POTATOES!"
Jokes
1,351 Clicks

by: snickersf12 (03/12/2006)

Q: What do you get when you cross a nun with a PC?

A: A computer that will never go down on you.
Jokes
1,236 Clicks

by: HaLo2OwNs92 (03/06/2006)

Were can you find a paralyzed person???
The last place you left him!!
Jokes
1,236 Clicks

by: aubrina (03/02/2006)

Friends are like Chinese take out. Dependable, enjoyable, and just a phone call away.
Jokes
1,236 Clicks


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