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by: THE ALIAS (07/18/2006)

Why don't women wear watches?
Because there's a clock on the stove!
Jokes
1,236 Clicks

by: AbsentMinded (07/12/2006)

Last week, my cousin was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder...and when she called to tell me, my Caller ID exploded...
Jokes
1,249 Clicks

by: bondage (07/12/2006)

Top 8 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of The Catholic Church

8. Walk up to the priest and say, "Daddy! I've finally found you!"
7. When the Eucharist is placed in your hands, run around, yelling, "AHH! IT BURNS!"
6. Go up to the person giving out the wine, take a sip and say, "Is this really Jesus' blood!?" When you get a reply of "yes", take another sip and say, "Holy crap! This guy must have been a drunk! It tastes like pure alcohol!"
5. During silent prayer time, yell out, "Hey, guys! Wasn't the book The da Vinci Code the most truthful piece of reading ever!?"
4. If you're doing the readings, before you read the scripture, look right out onto the congregation and say,"Isn't it something special that our pope used to be a Nazi!?"
3. When taking up the money box and you reach the altar, lean over and whisper into the priests ear, "Can you tell me which door would be faster to get out of so I can put this in my car?"
2. When lighting a prayer candle, light the wick and say, "Ooh! The colors!"
1. Walk into church and say, "So what about those 95 Thesis?"
Jokes
1,380 Clicks

by: sir_cumference (07/09/2006)

Three guys were shipwrecked and had to swim to a nearby island for refuge. There they were met by a group of savage and hungry cannibals, who, to the three guys' suprise, spoke English. One of the tribal natives spoke up: "Unless you pass our three tests, your flesh is ours for the taking. First, you must drink a whole barrell of our alcoholic island concoction. Second, you must pull the thorn out of a lion located in a tent. Lastly, you have to have sex with my 100-year-old grandmother." Realizing that they had no choice, the guys agreed to the challenge. The first guy drank about half of the barrell, then passed out. He was quickly taken away and eaten by the natives. The second guy managed to drink a little more than the first guy, but he too, passed out and became a meal for the cannibals. The third guy guzzled down the entire barrell, and went off into the tent where the lion was located. A series of fierce and wild sounds were heard, but the guy emerged, although he was badly scratched and covered in blood. "Well," he said, "I guess the last thing I gotta do now is pull that thorn out of your grandma!"
Jokes
1,382 Clicks

by: THE ALIAS (07/09/2006)

Wanna hear a joke?...

WOMEN'S RIGHTS
Jokes
1,248 Clicks

by: neddyt (07/06/2006)

In heaven, the Swiss run the hotels, the French are the cooks, the Germans are the engineers, and the English are the police.
In Hell, the French run the hotels, the English are the cooks, the Swiss are the engineers, and THE GERMANS ARE THE POLICE!

-George Carlin
Jokes
1,260 Clicks

by: swifd12 (07/01/2006)

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A: A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Jokes
1,251 Clicks

by: Phantom (06/28/2006)

Little BILLY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, " Now, BILLY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go. Little BILLY, thinks for a bit, then says, "Urinate, but if you had bigger boobs, you'd be a TEN!"
Jokes
1,306 Clicks

by: RandomTask (06/27/2006)

I have never lied, I just wrote fiction with my mouth!!!
Jokes
1,248 Clicks

by: random (06/25/2006)

I would like to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming!
Jokes
1,236 Clicks


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