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by: Mr Matt (10/20/2006)

A boss is like a diaper... always on your ass, and usually full of crap.
1,318 Clicks

by: Eric (10/04/2006)

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. It's a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a print out: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. "Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ring worm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.(Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
1,352 Clicks

by: Anonymous (09/25/2006)

How do you make a dead baby float?
Root beer, ice cream, and a dead baby
1,321 Clicks

by: chelzy609 (09/25/2006)

:::Questions not to ask in Foreign Lands::: IRELAND “Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?” FRANCE “Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?” ITALY “Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ” POLAND “Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?” GERMANY “Is this bratwurst kosher?” TURKEY “Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?” KOREA “Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?” CHINA “This wall isn’t so great.” ENGLAND “Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?” SWEDEN “Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?” YEMEN “Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?” INDIA “You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?” ETHIOPIA “After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!” CANADA “You’re like Americans without money.” SPAIN “So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?” SOUTH AFRICA “I liked it better the other way.” MEXICO “What's that smell?” SAUDI ARABIA “Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?” RUSSIA “Is it always this cold and economically devastated?” UZBEKISTAN “Can you spell Uzbekistan?” GREECE “I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy." AFGHANISTAN “Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?” JAPAN “What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?” AUSTRALIA “How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?” AMERICA “Was John Wayne gay?”
1,370 Clicks

by: silasvsky (09/19/2006)

You know, for someone who can't see himself in a mirror, Dracula is a pretty well groomed guy.
1,317 Clicks

by: jlaznram (09/06/2006)

Random fact: The weather in Iraq is generally Sunni in the north and Shiite in the south.
1,317 Clicks

by: poopalooppoop (09/06/2006)

A carpet layer had just put the finishing touches to a big wall-to-wall job. It had taken all day. Now, as he stepped back to admire his handiwork, he was horrified to notice a small lump right in the middle of the room. In a flash, he realized what had happened. His pack of cigarettes was in none of his pockets. Not one to panic, he made sure nobody was watching, then picked up his hammer and pounded on the lump until the carpet was level. Pleased with himself, he went into the kitchen for his tool kit -- and there on the table was his pack of cigarettes.

Just then a little boy's voice was heard upstairs: "Mommy, where's the cat?"
1,349 Clicks

by: TOM OWNS YOU (08/23/2006)

Why don't birds wear diapers?
Because their peckers are on their face
1,324 Clicks

by: SJM52 (08/23/2006)

A curious little boy walks into his grandmas house and ask "grandma what is it called when a person is sleeping on top of another person?" Well the grandma didnt want to lie to him and decided to be honest with him. "Well Robby its called sexual intercourse". The kid thanks his grandmother and goes out to play again. He comes back an hour later and says "grandma grandma you were wrong, timmys mom said its called bunkbeds and she wants to have a talk with you"
1,340 Clicks

by: xXunderOATH225Xx (08/23/2006)

I tried to have a wet dream once, but I nearly drowned!
1,322 Clicks

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