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by: kilereren (03/03/2007)

A man and an ostrich walk into a bar. The man says "I'll take a beer" the ostrich says "me too". The bar tender says "that'll be $5.20". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $5 and two dimes. The next day the man and ostrich come back to the bar. The man says "I'll take a beer" the ostrich says "me too". The bar tender says "that'll be $5.20". The man reaches into his pocket and, sure enough, pulls out a $5 and two dimes. This continues for days until one day they come back in and the man says "I'll have a whisky this time" the ostrich says "I'll have one too". The bartender says "that's $7.40" and the mans pulls out the exact amount. At this point the bartender is totally confused. He says to the guy "how do you have the exact amout of money all the time?" The man says "years ago, I found a lamp in my attic. I rubbed it and a genie came out and said I could have 2 wishes. The first wish was that when I had to pay for something, the money would be in my pocket" "wow" the bartender says "thats clever, most people would wish for $1 million, but that is ingenious! But I must ask, what is with the ostrich?" the man replies "For the second wish, I wished for a chick with long legs" Be careful what you wish for!
Jokes
1,286 Clicks

by: blank (03/03/2007)

On my death bed, I will pray...like a pagan...to anyone who will get me to heaven.
Jokes
1,246 Clicks

by: SODA X RULES (01/16/2007)

So theres a blond, brunette and a redhead. They're walking and they come across a magic dog. The dog then says "What thing in the world would surprise you most and you will get it." The brunnette goes first and says "A trillion dollars". And BOOM she gets it. The redhead says "Brad Pitt is my husband" and BOOM she gets it. The blond says "Woah, a talking dog!"
Jokes
1,265 Clicks

by: Obie (01/16/2007)

Ok, So what's the speed of dark?
Jokes
1,236 Clicks

by: tdawg03597 (01/16/2007)

Why didn't Helen Keller's dog like her?
Cause she named it DAARRRRRHH!!!!!
Jokes
1,261 Clicks

by: 5mjc5 (01/16/2007)

Where was the Declaration of Independance signed???

AT THE BOTTOM, DUH!!!
Jokes
1,246 Clicks

by: 2cool2slow (01/16/2007)

There are two guys sitting next to each other on a bus. One guy has a banana in his pocket. He really likes this banana so he holds on to it very tightly. He keeps squeezing it because hes so afraid someone will steal it. The bus stops and the guy next to him says "ok this is my stop so can u let go now?"
Jokes
1,236 Clicks

by: Constapatedape (01/16/2007)

An anthropologist visited a Native American reservation to interview an old chief "Chief Two Eagles". The researcher said "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his progress and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded that it was so. The anthropologist continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong ?"
The chief replied, "When we had the land, there were no taxes, no debts, plenty of buffalo and plenty of beaver. Medicine was free, women did all the work, and the men spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back smiled and said , "White man dumb enough to think he could improve a system like that."
Jokes
1,348 Clicks

by: kober (01/16/2007)

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft Chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, (Your Name)'"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, (Your Name)" he said.

I replied, "F*ck off, Gates, I'm in a meeting."
Jokes
1,349 Clicks

by: dark_princess666 (01/16/2007)

Why shouldn't women drive??
Because there isn't a highway from the bedroom to the kitchen.
Jokes
1,236 Clicks


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