away messages that dont suck
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by: TheSnack247   (10/31/2005)

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
Other/Random
1,663 Clicks
by: sfsets   (10/29/2005)

Life is like a hot bath: it feels nice, but the longer you're in it, the more pruned up you get.
Other/Random
1,236 Clicks
by: MusikRoks   (10/22/2005)

I have been kidnapped by a band of bloodsucking elves; they wish to steal my soul along with everyone's left shoe.
Other/Random
1,324 Clicks
by: Slapnuts532   (10/22/2005)

I would KILL for a Nobel Peace Prize
Other/Random
1,242 Clicks
by: raNdOm776   (10/22/2005)

If the "I" before "E" rule is really true.. then why the hell is Science spelled the way it is?
Other/Random
1,236 Clicks
by: JamesLOMUSCIO   (10/21/2005)

I'm a fan of the dot dot dot,
if you know what I mean...
Other/Random
1,241 Clicks
by: imsofunny   (10/21/2005)

You know you're an American when you press the handicap button to open the door when you enter every building.
Other/Random
1,236 Clicks
by: Twilzin   (10/17/2005)

Wouldn't it be cool to make out with pop rocks in your mouth?
Other/Random
1,237 Clicks
by: Hetz   (10/15/2005)

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? bbl
Other/Random
1,251 Clicks
by: laxguy7000   (10/13/2005)

Blasting my music to see if I can fly backwards. BrB
Other/Random
1,246 Clicks
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