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by: Bob Goo (08/21/2007)

You are just a pimple on the butt of the loser with no life who worships my secretary because she worships me and everything I do.
Other/Random
1,305 Clicks

by: spazzzjazzz (08/21/2007)

ONE-POINT DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

TWO POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
8) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
9) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
10) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
11) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
12) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
13) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
14) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
15) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
16) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
17) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
18) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you, How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Don't use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer..
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Other/Random
1,333 Clicks

by: Anonymous (08/21/2007)

On occasion I have taken interest in things such as poetry, calligraphy, and transvestite pornography.
Other/Random
1,301 Clicks

by: jdpupstar (08/21/2007)

I haven't sold my soul to Satan...we have a rent to own deal!
Other/Random
1,300 Clicks

by: Storeroom (08/21/2007)

I hate the ocean. It's ugly and smells like a salty puddle. It is too damn loud with it's churning and splashing. The people that say they love the ocean are also not pretty to look at. They steal, lie and are not fair or right about most everything. The ocean is a pool filled with awful unattractive creatures that have no business on this planet. We should build a skyscraper-sized toaster, plug it in and drop it in the ocean electrocuting all the varmints in there. After that drain it and build some ballsy skateboard parks!
Other/Random
1,324 Clicks

by: Korei Ryuu (08/14/2007)

98% of teenagers are trying to bring sexy back.
Im one of the 2% who never gave it away.
Other/Random
1,304 Clicks

by: Some guy (08/14/2007)

If you see a light at the end of the tunnel, get out of the way before you are hit by the train.
Other/Random
1,301 Clicks

by: HckyPlyr (08/14/2007)

|C|L|O|T|H|E|S| My Anti-Nakie
Other/Random
1,300 Clicks

by: asha120 (08/14/2007)

The Last Day of Summer Toast

Here's to the nights where there sand is in your seat,
and the warm summer waters kiss your feet,
And where your friends out number the stars...
And even the coldest of nights are warmer, than the cold drink in your hand.
Other/Random
1,303 Clicks

by: joey (08/14/2007)

Three men stop at a motel for the night. The desk clerk tells them the room is $30.00. So each man gives $10.00 then goes to the room. The desk clerk realizes he made a mistake, the room is only $25.00. So he tells his assistant take $5.00 back to the men. on the way he wonders how to divide $5.00 between 3 people so he decides to give each man $1.00 and keep $2.00. Now with each man getting back $1.00 that means they spent $9.00 each. 9 x 3 = $27.00 the assistant kept $2.00 that's $29.00. What happened to the other dollar?
Other/Random
1,307 Clicks


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