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Today we salute you, Mr. Airline Meal Chef.
Nothing relaxes a diner like a pleasant discussion of safety procedures should the restaurant suddenly fall out of the sky.
Chicken or beef?
Chicken or beef?
Chicken? We're out.
Here's the beef.
(stiiiill tastes like chicken)
Who ordered the heart healthy meal?
Probably not the guy who ordered the seat belt extender.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Sultan of the Salisbury.
Even though we're crammed in coach,
Our meals are first class.
Today we salute you Mr. Airport Baggage Handler.
Why just set a bag down,
When you can throw it,
Or simply ignore it
(it's time for my lunch break)
The complex airport codes are almost unsolvable,
But that's okay,
Because thanks to you,
Everything's going to Tulsa.
(that's in Oklahoma)
When comforting a traveler about a lost bag or a treasured family pet
You need only to remember three simple words:
Airport Not Responsible.
(thank you for flyin')
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh King of the Carousel
You give us all a reason..
To carry on.
Today we salute you, Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer.
There are 24 hours in a day,
You're wearing 80 hour protection.
If the sun fails to go down,
You'll be ready.
Your coconut scented force-field blocks out all the suns rays,
And any stray rays from another sun,
In another galaxy. 30 SPF?
You might as well be wearing cooking oil.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer.
In fact, feel free to crack one open at high noon,
In the middle of the Sahara desert.
Today we salute you Mr. Baseball Stadium Glove Wearing Guy.
Armed with your lucky mitt,
You patiently wait for your chance to bring home one of the 700,000,000 baseballs produced last year.
(I've only got one ball)
Your mitt screams, "I'm a die-hard baseball fan."
It also screams, "I'm too delicate to catch a ball bare-handed."
The only thing steamier than a stadium hot dog?
The hand stuck inside that mitt since batting practice.
(not really as delicious)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Oh Señor Screwball.
Watching that ball bounce off your temple,
Will always be our favorite pastime.
If there is one thing I found out early in life that has really helped me it is
drink, dont think.
A L C _ H _ L
Sometimes alcohol is the answer.
Beer beer the magical fruit... the more the drink the more you puke... the more you puke the worse you feel, so lets drink beer for every meal!
Today we salute you Mr. Baseball Encyclopedia Guy.
You may not remember you borrowed your neighbor’s lawn mower
But if someone needs to know that Tony Lazzeri batted in the 1927 World Series,
You’re all over it
(he could never hit a slider)
You’ve got it committed to memory.
Forget the date of your wedding anniversary,
You know that Bob Horner had 218 career home runs
(what about the lawn mower?)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Stat Man
You can settle any baseball argument,
Because you are Mr. Baseball Encyclopedia Guy.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am
Today we salute you Mr. Cell Phone Holster Wearer.
A two-handed broad sword?
Your hip is permanently strapped with three inches of cold cellular steel
And you're not afraid to use it.
(As long as I'm not roaming)
Through optimal cellular positioning,
You answer calls in under a second
Anything over that,
And you might as well use smoke signals
Ignoring the fact that cell phones are now small enough to fit in your pocket
You tell the world:
I have a cell phone,
And it's not in my pocket.
(I'm just happy to see you)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh Hero of the Holster,
Because on our speed dial,
You'll always be number one.
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