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by: macmarge (09/21/2007)

Academy Performance.

Each morning I rise from my peaceful slumber,
Where all is right with the world.
I brace myself for the hardships that await me outside,
& plaster on my faux smile and continue out the door.
Not knowing what comes next in my script,
I persevere and pace through the halls of my school.

You attempt to disarm me, you attempt to make me cave.
But you fail miserably, For now there is a stone cold wall around my heart,
Composed of much more than brick and mortar you can't get to me now.
You had your chance, I applaud you for that. You followed your script well enough to rival Clint Eastwood. But you met one unforgiving flaw. My life is not your blockbuster.
I confess however, that I too act as if all is impeccable, faultless, and ideal. But the credits are rolling now, the theater's clearing, and no one cares anymore.

I hold the leading role in my life, not you, Somewhere that became questionable to you.
A mere supporting role is all that you hold to your name. While you're still in the credits at the end of the show,
I am remembered, I alone resonate in the minds and hearts of my viewers.
& I alone will hold the Academy Award winning performance.

~mm
Mean
1,402 Clicks

by: joepermanent (11/16/2005)

Bud Light presents Real American Heroes (REAL AMERICAN HEROES).
Today we salute you, Mr.Emo Punk Kid. You showed us what the real purpose of sweat bands really are: To stop any liquid from reaching your forearm from your bicep. Genius. (No wet hands for me!) Some may say your fashion is nothing more than something found in a trash can, but you know better, for your mother washed it, twice. (Tumble Dry Only!) So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Heir of the Ho Hum Happiness, because without you we wouldn't know that men as well as women deserve eye shadow and twenty three pounds of chains.
Mean
1,378 Clicks

by: Panhead (08/14/2007)

FEELING STRESSED?
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look...It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a pleasant surprise. You let them up.....just for a quick breath.....then PLOOP!...back under they go.... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. There now......feeling better?
Mean
1,337 Clicks

by: riparj2904 (07/27/2005)

Out promoting the Clay Aiken diet...You know, the one where you put in a Clay Aiken record and try to keep your food down...
I've lost 50 pounds in 4 weeks and I owe it all to the Clay Aiken diet!! Thank you for being on American Idol, Clay!!


Warning: Side effects may include sexiness, weight loss, deafness, and in some, extreme cases you may lose more weight then that former fat guy, Jared, from subway. Results may vary, batteries not included.
Mean
1,320 Clicks

by: bored2death (10/23/2008)

%n: I like talking to myself cuz I'm a moron
%n: oh well
%n: so %n what's going on?
%n: nothing much, just talking to myself %n: wow, that sounds so retarded
%n: i know, but I have nothing else to do
%n: so what r u up to?
%n: .....I'm talking to myself too =[
%n: jez, i'm pathetic
%n: i can say that again
%n: i wonder what %n is doing, lets go i.m that dumbass
%n: lol. ok. I bet %n probably isnt doing anything anyways, that no life idiot
Mean
1,306 Clicks

by: DKMster (01/12/2007)

My life is brilliant
Your life's a joke
You're just pathetic
You're always broke

Your homemade Star Trek uniform
really ain't impressin' me
You're sufferin' from delusions of Adequicy

You're Pitiful
You're Pitiful
You're Pitiful It's true

Never had a date
That ya couldn't
inflate
And ya smell
repulsive too
What a bummer bein' you

-Weird Al "You're Pitiful"
Mean
1,303 Clicks

by: JelusOnesStilEnv (06/15/2008)

Thank you for contacting the emergency help line.

For personal assistance, press 1.

If you're on fire, press 2.

If someone is trying to stab you, press 3.

If someone is currently stabbing you, press 4.

If you have already been stabbed and are bleeding to death, press 5.

If you are stabbing someone, press 6.

For everything else, press 7.
Mean
1,303 Clicks

by: dimwittedgenius7 (03/30/2005)

Two midgets are standing outside of the Guinness Book of World Records trying to figure out how to get a record. The first midget says, "Maybe I have the smallest hands," and goes inside. Five minutes later he comes back out smiling with his new record. Jealous of his friend, the second midget says, "Maybe I'm the smallest in the pants," and goes inside. Five minutes later he comes out crying and says, "Who the hell is %n?!?"
Mean
1,300 Clicks

by: yrmonkeyskool345 (10/31/2005)

Guess who I decided to be for Halloween??......... YOU!!
Mean
1,299 Clicks

by: cheetahbabe85 (07/19/2007)

Valentines Day is the time of year where I dress in black and hiss at people.
Mean
1,295 Clicks


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