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by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Homer: Look everyone! Now that I'm a teacher I've sewn patches on my elbows.
Marge: Homer that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.
Homer: Incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets!
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,287 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,293 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,266 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,260 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,236 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Principal Skinner: Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,236 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,250 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,261 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,236 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,236 Clicks


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