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by: Lil Eli (01/12/2007)

Chappelle: No man, I cant accept this money man....
Wayne Brady: Dave, man you are way too up tight. Here man, smoke this.
Chappelle: no man, thats ok, I'm fine....
Wayne Brady: No, come on, it'll make you feel better.
Chappelle: No man, I dont want to...
Wayne Brady: This is not an option nigga, if you do not smoke this then we have a problem!
[Chappelle takes the pipe hesitently]
Wayne Brady: This aint no after-school special, now smoke it.
[Chappelle smokes and coughs]
Wayne Brady: Man Dave, I didnt know you liked to get wet.
[Dave looks at him puzzled]
Wayne Brady: That's PCP, angel dust, Sherman Helmsley, love boat, ashy larry. ... [Dave passes out]
1,427 Clicks

by: Dan (01/12/2007)

Things I Learned From Family Guy:

-A Quahog is a clam
-Firetrucks are red
-Dogs and babies can talk, listen to them
-Death is no good with the ladies
-Nudists are people too
-When you are beautiful, doors magically open for you
-Don't take coupons from giant chickens
-Greased up guys are impossible to catch
-Don't accept popsicles from old men
- Evil monkeys aren't as evil as they look
-Pimples are very evil
- Purgatory isn't great, but it's not bad either
- Everything works out if you do whatever you want
- Don't trust people in checkered suits
- Don't buy volcano insurance
- You can't eat a stapler
- TV is freakin' sweet
- Petitions actually work
1,427 Clicks

by: lilshowty (03/06/2006)

We need some help Finding Nemo because he swam off to Madagascar and encountered the Ice Age. Then, White Chicks Bent it Like Becham. After that, Charlies Angels met up with Charlie in his Chocolate Factory where they found The Notebook. This just happened to be The Princess Diaries, and it clearly stated that Nemo could be found at Rush Hour, after they Saved The Last Dance. Nemo was then re-united with his Big Daddy while they were Bringing Down The House. They bought their food from Pirates in the Carribean, because it was Cheaper By The Dozen. Then, some Mean Girls stole their food because they owed some Gangs In New York. It was Eight Below in Madagascar (because of the Ice Age) when the Nutty Professor went to Big Momma's House. And that, is how Nemo was found, and Napoleon Dynamite was born.
1,403 Clicks

by: ?????????? (11/15/2007)

Kyle: Cartman, I really don't like what your doing.
Cartman: I'm listening.
Kyle: You see, I normally don't like your ideas but this one is worse. I think that if you do join the Special Olympics to win money that you will go to hell. So I think it's my job as your friend to tell people what you're doing and stop you.
Cartman: Well Kyle, I appreciate you being so direct and I see where you're coming from. But you really have a warped view on things because you're Jewish. Now Kyle, you haven't gone to see Mel Gibson's film The Passion but...
Kyle: I didn't come to talk about The Passion.
Cartman: Let me finish. If you had seen The Passion you would know that hell is reserved for the Jews, and all those who don't accept Christ. So it is actually me who is worried about your soul.

~South Park
1,403 Clicks

by: Anonymous (03/03/2007)

Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!
Jeremy Grey: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
Janice: Okay...
Jeremy Grey: OK, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk.

~Wedding Crashers
1,402 Clicks

by: wvredneck159 (05/02/2008)

Chris (Luke Skywalker): *shots fired* Their coming too fast!
Peter (Han Solo): A nickel for every time I had that problem, just keep shooting Luke (Chris).
Cleveland (R2-D2): *shots fired* Yeaha thats how we do it in my neighborhood bi**h.
Chris (Luke): *shots fired* I got him, I got him!
Peter (Han Solo): Right kid don't get penisy.

~Family Guy Presents Blue Harvest
1,401 Clicks

by: PlatypusNinja34 (05/22/2007)

Chunk: In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
-The Goonies
1,400 Clicks

by: bored2death (10/15/2007)

Skinner: You know Julian, its no surprise you became such a success. You always got straight A's in school.
Julian: Well I remember getting a B or two in math.
Skinner: Hahaha well of course you did, YOU'RE A GIRL.
*audience gasps*
Skinner: No, all I meant was from what I see, boys are better at math, science, the real subjects. There that should put the matter behind us.
*pissed off audience gasps*

-The Simpsons
1,400 Clicks

by: Korei Ryuu (12/09/2008)

Dewey: And then the monster started growling at me, so I threw rocks at him, and I killed him, and then he started flying around on rocket boots, and I got to ride inside his head, and now the monster's my friend, and we wen - and we went to get Slurpees.
Reese: You did not! You just lied!!
Hal: Reese, if that's what Dewey says happened then there's no reason to argue about it.
Reese: But no one believes I beat the last level in Mortal Kombat!
Hal: Because that's just ridiculous. No one beats Sub-Zero.
-Malcolm in the Middle
1,398 Clicks

by: hoff (12/07/2004)

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war...our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
1,397 Clicks

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