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by: Jenny20 (06/22/2007)

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that.
-Rocky Balboa
1,486 Clicks

by: Kenacious K (04/30/2006)

Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'.
-The Simpsons
1,476 Clicks

by: abailey323 (08/20/2008)

Mr Mackey: Little Matt is being treated at the hospital right now
Mrs. Cartman: Eric how could you do that!?
Cartman: I'm sorry i handcuffed Matt's leg to a flagpole
Mr Mackey: That is not the point!
Cartman: Fine, fine, I'm sorry i handcuffed Matt's leg to the flagpole then gave him a hacksaw then told him that i poisened his lunch milk and the only way to get to the antidote was to cut through his leg

1,476 Clicks

by: Dan (01/12/2007)

Things I Learned From Family Guy:

-A Quahog is a clam
-Firetrucks are red
-Dogs and babies can talk, listen to them
-Death is no good with the ladies
-Nudists are people too
-When you are beautiful, doors magically open for you
-Don't take coupons from giant chickens
-Greased up guys are impossible to catch
-Don't accept popsicles from old men
- Evil monkeys aren't as evil as they look
-Pimples are very evil
- Purgatory isn't great, but it's not bad either
- Everything works out if you do whatever you want
- Don't trust people in checkered suits
- Don't buy volcano insurance
- You can't eat a stapler
- TV is freakin' sweet
- Petitions actually work
1,469 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (01/12/2007)

Chappelle: No man, I cant accept this money man....
Wayne Brady: Dave, man you are way too up tight. Here man, smoke this.
Chappelle: no man, thats ok, I'm fine....
Wayne Brady: No, come on, it'll make you feel better.
Chappelle: No man, I dont want to...
Wayne Brady: This is not an option nigga, if you do not smoke this then we have a problem!
[Chappelle takes the pipe hesitently]
Wayne Brady: This aint no after-school special, now smoke it.
[Chappelle smokes and coughs]
Wayne Brady: Man Dave, I didnt know you liked to get wet.
[Dave looks at him puzzled]
Wayne Brady: That's PCP, angel dust, Sherman Helmsley, love boat, ashy larry. ... [Dave passes out]
1,450 Clicks

by: xojohannyxo (05/29/2008)

Yo Yo Yo!
All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me,
From my grades, to my lines you can't touch Kevin G,
I'm a mathlete, So nerd is inferred,
But forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third,
Sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor!
The G's silent when I sneak through your door.
And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor.
I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me.
Cause the next time you see her she'll be like 'OOH! KEVIN G!'

-- K.G. and the Power of Three, Mean Girls
1,449 Clicks

by: JoshuaTreeEdge89 (07/06/2006)

What Would Jack Bauer Do?
Just ask yourself this in any impossible situation that you are in. For example:
1. Being attacked by terrorists
2. Locking the keys in the car
3. Being taken hostage and tortured
These are just some of the many situations that could happen in your world. Just remember, when you are in trouble just think "WWJBD" and you will always get out of it unscathed. Hey! Why the hell not? Jack Bauer always does!
1,448 Clicks

by: DarkSha (12/06/2004)

"My day? I'll tell you how my day was! Un-freakin'-believable! First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughters doll! Her doll, for God's sake! Where's the line anymore? I got news for you: its not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virture are gone, honey! Bam! Freakin' evaporated like a dingy, stinkin' mud puddle! One day, you can see your reflection in it, and the next day its a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking you: Blah! Blah! Blah! Knowing the perverted truth that rots in the pit of your soul! That's how my freakin' day was!"
-Brian Griffin, Family Guy
1,439 Clicks

by: homersimpson235 (05/06/2008)

Stewie: So, what happened sport? Come on, talk to your pal Stewie.
Brian: Alright, but only because I've gotta tell somebody. I pretty much just threw myself at Lois.
Stewie: So, you finally did it huh? Well look Brian, as your friend, I should tell you that that vagina is ground zero man. I mean I just wrecked that thing on the way out, and just to be a jerk, I carved "Brooks was here" in the wall. Did you see that? Did you see "Brooks was here."
Brian: We didn't have sex.
Stewie: Of course with Chris going before me I pretty much just walked outta there. Didn't even have to stoop over. There was even room to twirl a cane as I strolled.
Brian: You're exaggerating.
Stewie: Only a little bit! That's the messed up thing.

-Family Guy
1,435 Clicks

by: PlatypusNinja34 (05/22/2007)

Chunk: In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
-The Goonies
1,433 Clicks

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