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by: Lil Eli (01/12/2007)

Chappelle: No man, I cant accept this money man....
Wayne Brady: Dave, man you are way too up tight. Here man, smoke this.
Chappelle: no man, thats ok, I'm fine....
Wayne Brady: No, come on, it'll make you feel better.
Chappelle: No man, I dont want to...
Wayne Brady: This is not an option nigga, if you do not smoke this then we have a problem!
[Chappelle takes the pipe hesitently]
Wayne Brady: This aint no after-school special, now smoke it.
[Chappelle smokes and coughs]
Wayne Brady: Man Dave, I didnt know you liked to get wet.
[Dave looks at him puzzled]
Wayne Brady: That's PCP, angel dust, Sherman Helmsley, love boat, ashy larry. ... [Dave passes out]
TV/Movies
1,371 Clicks

by: Dan (01/12/2007)

Things I Learned From Family Guy:

-A Quahog is a clam
-Firetrucks are red
-Dogs and babies can talk, listen to them
-Death is no good with the ladies
-Nudists are people too
-When you are beautiful, doors magically open for you
-Don't take coupons from giant chickens
-Greased up guys are impossible to catch
-Don't accept popsicles from old men
- Evil monkeys aren't as evil as they look
-Pimples are very evil
- Purgatory isn't great, but it's not bad either
- Everything works out if you do whatever you want
- Don't trust people in checkered suits
- Don't buy volcano insurance
- You can't eat a stapler
- TV is freakin' sweet
- Petitions actually work
TV/Movies
1,371 Clicks

by: Korei Ryuu (12/09/2008)

Dewey: And then the monster started growling at me, so I threw rocks at him, and I killed him, and then he started flying around on rocket boots, and I got to ride inside his head, and now the monster's my friend, and we wen - and we went to get Slurpees.
Reese: You did not! You just lied!!
Hal: Reese, if that's what Dewey says happened then there's no reason to argue about it.
Reese: But no one believes I beat the last level in Mortal Kombat!
Hal: Because that's just ridiculous. No one beats Sub-Zero.
-Malcolm in the Middle
TV/Movies
1,358 Clicks

by: lilshowty (03/06/2006)

We need some help Finding Nemo because he swam off to Madagascar and encountered the Ice Age. Then, White Chicks Bent it Like Becham. After that, Charlies Angels met up with Charlie in his Chocolate Factory where they found The Notebook. This just happened to be The Princess Diaries, and it clearly stated that Nemo could be found at Rush Hour, after they Saved The Last Dance. Nemo was then re-united with his Big Daddy while they were Bringing Down The House. They bought their food from Pirates in the Carribean, because it was Cheaper By The Dozen. Then, some Mean Girls stole their food because they owed some Gangs In New York. It was Eight Below in Madagascar (because of the Ice Age) when the Nutty Professor went to Big Momma's House. And that, is how Nemo was found, and Napoleon Dynamite was born.
TV/Movies
1,357 Clicks

by: DKMster (08/21/2007)

Bill Engvall: (finishing off "Here's Your Sign")
But the best one... The best one I've seen yet happened in Los Angeles, California. I got stuck behind a big rig that wedged his trailer up underneath an overpass and me and the trucker are waiting on the side of the road on the tow truck driver. Well, the highway patrolman pulls up and looks at the guy's rig and he looks at the trucker and I'm thinking, "Oh, Dear God, he can't say it," 'cause I'll start laughing. Sure enough, he goes, "You get your truck stuck?" And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope. I was delivering that overpass and I ran out of gas. Here's your sign."

-Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie
TV/Movies
1,356 Clicks

by: wvredneck159 (05/02/2008)

Chris (Luke Skywalker): *shots fired* Their coming too fast!
Peter (Han Solo): A nickel for every time I had that problem, just keep shooting Luke (Chris).
Cleveland (R2-D2): *shots fired* Yeaha thats how we do it in my neighborhood bi**h.
Chris (Luke): *shots fired* I got him, I got him!
Peter (Han Solo): Right kid don't get penisy.

~Family Guy Presents Blue Harvest
TV/Movies
1,354 Clicks

by: Anonymous (03/03/2007)

Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!
Jeremy Grey: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
Janice: Okay...
Jeremy Grey: OK, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk.

~Wedding Crashers
TV/Movies
1,353 Clicks

by: Jenny20 (06/22/2007)

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that.
-Rocky Balboa
TV/Movies
1,352 Clicks

by: hoff (12/07/2004)

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war...our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
-Tyler Durden, Fight Club
TV/Movies
1,351 Clicks

by: Lil Eli (10/20/2006)

Homer: How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
--The Simpsons
TV/Movies
1,351 Clicks


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