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by: Korei Ryuu (02/24/2009)

If I had a hammer
I'd build a house for two;
And if I had a sailing ship,
I'd take a trip with you.
If I had a poet's hand,
I'd write a verse for thee;
And if I had the painter's touch,
On canvas you would be.

But I don't have a hammer,
And I don't have a ship;
So, I can't build a house,
And we can't take a trip.
And I'll never be a poet,
nor have the painter's grace;
So I'll never write your verse,
Nor immortalize your face;
And also,
I have herpes.

-Steven Lynch
Funny
1,301 Clicks

by: hellookitty (01/11/2009)

Don't eat it!! The fries...They are *French*
Funny
1,300 Clicks

by: l33tmofo (12/03/2008)

Am I the only one who, when he sees a guy wearing a superman shirt, wants to shoot them in the chest and when he dies say "I guess not"?

-Dane Cook
Funny
1,300 Clicks

by: surferwaver68 (12/03/2008)

A wise man once told me "Be a lover not a fighter...Condoms are cheaper than swords."
Funny
1,300 Clicks

by: firemonkey9898 (11/12/2008)

New haircut: $30
Brand name suit: $100
New Shoes: $50

Realizing you're E-Harmony account is expired: Priceless
Funny
1,302 Clicks

by: Tosh (11/12/2008)

And then I called out, "Hey flamer!"
and %n turned around.
Funny
1,301 Clicks

by: l33tmofo (10/23/2008)

Away. Do not IM. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Funny
1,301 Clicks

by: Ashley_Disaster (10/06/2008)

Matt: There's someone knocking on your window.
Me: It's 8:30 in the morning, everyone knows not to knock this early!
Matt:It's Konner, he says he's got cigarette money.
Me: I'm still getting the knife.
Funny
1,300 Clicks

by: docmak (09/29/2008)

LOOK A DISTRACTION!
Funny
1,301 Clicks

by: sir_cumference (09/29/2008)

Well I went to buy condoms today, but unfortunately didn't have quite enough money for the small box. What was even more unusual was the look I got from the cashier when I came back a few minutes later with an armload of saran wrap and rubber bands. Downstairs making some casserole you pervs...
Funny
1,300 Clicks


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