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*M12 Warthog Light Reconnaissance Vehicle w/damage repairs + gun turret ammunition: $750,000
*SPARTAN II MJOLINR Battle Armour: $1.25 million
*M9 HE-DP Grenades, M6D Pistol w/ ammunition, MA5B Assault Rifle w/ ammunition, M90 Shotgun w/ ammunition, S2 AM Sniper Rifle w/ ammunition, M19 SSM Rocket Launcher w/ ammunition and a gun permit to use them all: $2.75 million
*Using all of the above to wipe out an entire Covenant army...while having fun doing it: PRICELESS
There are just some things money can't buy, and for those things there's MasterCard. Assisting you in your military expenses from 1995 all the way to 2552.
People don't play sports because its fun. Ask any athlete, most of them hate it, but they couldnt imagine their life without it. Its part of them, the Hate/love relationship. its wat they live for. They live for the practices, parties, cheers, long bus rides, invitationals, countless pairs of diff. types of shoes, water, Gatorade, & coaches u hate but appreciate. They live for the way it feels when you beat the team next to you by 1 pt. in overtime, & you know those 2 extra sprints you ran in practice were worth it. They live for the way you become a family with your team, they live for the countless songs you sing in your head when your running ALL those suicides. They live for the competition, they live for the friends, the practices, the memories, the pain, its who they are. It's who we are. WE ARE ATHLETES.
Twas the night before Christmas, In Vegas no qualms.
Paris Hilton was banging some guy at the Palms
Then Courtney Love flew in her private charter sleigh,
A landing so perfect, her armtracks led the way.
There's Anna Nicole in great shape, she's hiking in,
with bottles of Trimspa and buckets of Vicadin.
Is that the Sum 41 guy with Avril Lavign?
No way, she's the hardest core, hardcore punkrocker, I've ever seen.
I went to a strip club after a couple of beers.
I saw a pretty pole dancer, hey it's Brittney Spears.
With cut-off Daisy Dukes, hair blonde as honey,
Why is she stripping for dollars? Her husband Kevin took all her money.
Now Lindsay, now Mishca, Nicole Ritchey take care.
Someone's hurling into the toilet. It's Tara Reid, hold her hair.
I know she hates Lohan but Lindsay, Here's some drama,
Hillary Duff is in the corner f*cking Wilmer Valderama.
Who's that up in the ghost bar, wide eyed and out too late?
Asking if her ass looks too fat, it's Ashley with Mary-Kate.
So "It Girls" of Hollywood don't go too far
Cause what happens in Vegas stays in the Star
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built , and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place.
So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. And, at any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages.
(1) Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
(2) Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
(3) Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
HURRICANE PROOFING Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license -- if it says "Florida", you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. But don't buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, and only then do you go to the supermarket so you can join in vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of Spam.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
(1) 23 flashlights.
(2) At least $167 worth of batteries (which will turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights).
(3) Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
(4) A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
(5) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
(6) A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
(7) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean who will tell you, over and over, how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
Who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
Into the crotch of Indiana Jones
Who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
As Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
But Chuck saw through his clever disguise
And he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs
Then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
All came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
It was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
With civilians looking on total awe
-"The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny", Lemon Demon
Simpsons Away Messages
We Salute You
© CGI Inc. 2009