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by: kate28   (05/27/2008)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Backyard Bug Zapper Inventor.
Not content to harmlessly repel insects with lotion,
You discovered a way to fry them with electricity until their bodies explode.
Ah the sounds of summer:
Crickets chirping.
Birds singing.
The blood-curdling scream of a moth having 700 volts of electricity shooting through its body.
(music to my ears)
Every night a magical explosion of exoskeleton and insect goo that can only mean one thing:
Summer's here.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. June Bug Blaster,
Then sit back, and watch the fireworks.
Drinking
1481 Clicks

by: Korei Ryuu   (03/10/2006)

"And then Gandalf the Grey, and Gandalf the White, and 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail's' Black Knight, and Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie, and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie; Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman; Every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan; Spock, The Rock, Doct. Oct. and Hulk Hogan all came outta no where lightning fast and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass, it was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw, and civilians looked on in total awe..."
-Lemon Demon
Chuck Norris
1479 Clicks

by: kate28   (09/10/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer
You provide us with colorful loungewear capable of hiding any stain we can dish out.
(gettin sloppy)
Who else could create flowered shirts that are still so unmistakeably masculine,
A single shirt that matches every pair of pants we own,
And really sets off a white belt?
(looking good now)
Sure women say they hate them,
But inside they're all swooning for the big kahuna.
(ooh kahuna!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer.
Your shirts may not be made in Hawaii,
But Taiwan is an island, too.
We Salute You
1479 Clicks

by: Panhead   (09/19/2007)

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you


Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's you're best friend

Good: You're wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Naughty
1477 Clicks

by: shortyduckie   (06/18/2004)

¿Quieres tú coger desnudo?
Fais vous voulez à acquérir dénudé?
Doen jou wens tegen verkrijgen onopgesmukt?
Fare voi volere a tavola cogliere spennato?
Otaku ketsubou dzuki choudai neikiddo?
Tun du müssen zu erhalten nackt?
I just said Do u wanna get naked? in 6 different languages: Spanish, French, Dutch, Italian, Japanese and German! WORD! So... do you? ;-)
Naughty
1474 Clicks

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