Badass Profile Tweaks
Top 25 Users
Top 25 MSGs
Today we salute you, Mr. Gasoline BBQ Starter.
Never mind charcoal chimneys
And easy lighting brickettes.
The only way to start a real barbecue
Is with a gallon of 93 Octane
And a big book of matches
(light up the sky)
Who needs eyebrows?
And you've seven pounds of lamb shanks ready to go.
(that's a lot of kebabs)
You don't just defy convention,
You defy warning labels,
And common sense.
(very low IQ)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Prince of the Pyrotechnic.
Because no one makes a backyard mushroom cloud like you.
We Salute You
Not only does no one know your first name, but I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped making songs that have to do with removing articles of clothing. I can no longer make an innocent comment about the rising tempurature without someone yelling "SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES!!!"
Second, Why did you join up with Tim McGraw and do a COUNTRY SONG!? What ever happened to the band-aid-wearing, bling-carrying, retard-punching Nelly that everyone liked?! Now you go and make a pathetic song about a dude that looses his girl friend, so he goes and sings about it with a COUNTRY SINGER?! Jesus man, you sure have lost everything, including your balls.
Lastly, I walked into Home Depot the other day, and i dont know if was just a creepy bad omen, but when i entered the "Back Yard Grills" Section of the store, your latest song popped onto the speakers. You have no idea how awkward it is to scan the walls of grills when you hear "Lemme see your girll!" echoing around you. Lastly, I want you to find the baby-eating freak who compared himself to George Forman for selling people braces for their mouth! Is my dentist George Forman, is the store clerk at Home Depot George Forman? I punched the store clerk in the face and knocked him out, does that make me Mike Tyson?! I BIT OFF THE EAR OFF MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER, AM I MIKE TYSON!?!?!?!?!!!!
P.S. May I have your autograph?
Denis Leary - "Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty five years and you pay it back and then one day you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then one day you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and
you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe."
Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
Who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
Into the crotch of Indiana Jones
Who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
As Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
But Chuck saw through his clever disguise
And he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs
Then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
All came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
It was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
With civilians looking on total awe
-"The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny", Lemon Demon
Today we salute you, Mr. Baseball Designated Hitter.
Baseball is an intricate game of skill, strategy, and athleticism.
Except for you,
You just whomp the ball.
(whomp that ball now)
What's it like to be a professional baseball player who doesn't even need to own a glove?
(you're a staaaar)
Still, we'd rather see you up at the plate than some pitcher with a career batting average of .001.
(couldn't hit a beach ball)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Sir On-The-Bench-A-Lot,
Because fielding, throwing, and running..
Are overrated anyway.
Simpsons Away Messages
We Salute You
© CGI Inc. 2009