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10 Things You Won't Hear a Man Say
1. Let's watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
"The bumble cannot fly"
According to the theory of aerodynamics, it may be readily demonstrated through laboratory tests and wind tunnel experiments, the bumble bee is unable to fly. This is because the size, weight, and shape of his body in relation to the total wing spread, makes flying impossible. However, the bumble bee, being ignorant of these profound scientific truths, goes ahead and flies anyway.
Has anyone said you couldn't fly?
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one nearby. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of
. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied,
"That's me before the operation."
Today we salute you, Mr. Parking Attendant Flashlight Waver.
Leaving the security of your two by two foot heated hut,
You light the way.
(show me the way now)
Defying physics and most insurance policies,
You wedge my midsize into the space of a compact.
(back back back back back back back it up wooh!)
While you act like you couldn't care less about my car,
I know deep down inside...
(it's just a car)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Czar of the Parked Car.
As long as that extra sawbuck translates to easy out,
We'll keep pullin her in.
(we couldn't park without you)
We Salute You
Is God a virgin? Can God even have sex? If so, what is God? The shovel or the pot hole? How long can God go for? Can God go forever? In Heaven can you have sex if you can do whatever you want? In Hell can you? If so, In Hell is it instant bust? Is praying just a technique for sex when we get on our knees?
Well I'm praying, STANDING UP! and asking God about his pimpin....brb
A God Dammit Production
Chuck Norris Away Messages
We Salute You
© CGI Inc. 2009