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by: cheetahbabe85 † (03/14/2004)

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer and alcohol Iíve consumed, I feel ashamed. Then I look into an empty glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their individual hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, someone might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Therefore, I would rather drink this drink and help make someoneís dreams come true than be selfish and worry only about my liver.
Drinking
1461 Clicks

by: kate28 † (06/15/2009)

Today we salute you,
Mr. Next Day Carpet Installer.
Because when we are jonesing for carpet,
We're jonesing for it...
Right now.
(Totally jonesing)
Thanks to you,
We have absolutely no problem buying carpet,
Over the phone,
Sight unseen.
(Just pick up the phone)
A near miracle,
An entire basement -
Wall to wall shag in less time than it takes to order a pizza.
(I love pepperoni)
Your motto:
"If your a payin', I'm a layin'."
(oh yeah!)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, King of the Carpet Men,
You not only go the distance for us,
You do it wearing knee pads.
We Salute You
1461 Clicks

by: kate28 † (11/22/2008)

Today we salute you, Mr. King of the Karaoke Mic.
Armed with your mic,
You brazenly take to the stage,
Refusing to leave until every last person has been lulled into a peaceful slumber.
(wake me when it's over)
Country.
Rock.
R & B.
From your lips,
It all sounds the same,
Like a sick cat trapped under a parked car.
(that's a flat kitty)
Sure, nobody's clapping.
But that doesn't mean you can't give them six more encores.
(they're clapping on the inside)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Hero of the High Note.
You sing to the beat of a different drum,
Cause the one in your ear
Is clearly broken.
We Salute You
1460 Clicks

by: kate28 † (09/30/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Ultimate Philadelphia Sports Fan.
Football.
Baseball.
Competitive eating contests.
If the dog show came to town,
You'd tailgate it (you're the shitzu) Your dedication keeps your football going. Going where? Nobody really knows. (we should be going somewhere)
You sir, will boo anything.
Long lines.
The hot dog vendor.
A jolly old fat man at halftime.
(he totally had it comin')
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Bastion of Brotherly Love
Nobody can take away your passion, But if they tried, You'd launch a snowball at them.
We Salute You
1459 Clicks

by: kate28 † (12/06/2007)

Today we salute you Mr. Bowling Shoe Giver Outer
Your tireless efforts keep our feet comfy and sanitized with mountain freshness
(mountain freshness)
Instinctively you match left shoe with right
(left right left right)
Carefully placing each pair in it's own tiny shoe house
(check the number on the back)
One wrong move
And we're on the fast train to Blisterville
(oh yeahh)
Is he a 9 and a half, or a 10?
You know.
Why?
Cause you're Mr. Bowling Shoe Giver Outer
(we couldn't bowl without you)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mister.
And know it's no accident that those shoes are red, white, and blue.
Drinking
1458 Clicks

Pages: †1†2345
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